LiturgiCops

A few weeks ago we had a visiting Priest at my parish. From his opening greeting I knew that this was a priest who likely looks at the General Instruction of the Roman Missal as mere silly suggestions. “Oh well, here we go!” I thought to myself. My parish is generally pretty good and you typically don’t see any of the craziness witnessed elsewhere. Even though I knew this visiting priest was doing things he shouldn’t, I would never say anything.

When it came time for the homily, he came down the steps of the sanctuary, sat down, splayed his legs, and leaned back on his palms. I thought, “Oh, boy!” He then launched into a homily about the crosses that we all have to bear in life. His particular cross, which he began to detail for us, started with all these ‘horrible’ people at his first parish who would come up to him after mass and tell him all the things he had done wrong. “Can you believe these people?”, he said. After he had been re-assigned to another parish, unbelievably, this parish too was full of the same horrible people who actually think the mass should be done right. So, he then proceeded to tell us that what he was giving up for lent was letting these horrible people get to him. Let the canonization process begin. I was in shock. A couple in the pew in front of us just stared at each other in disbelief as did my wife and I.

Since that time I have brooded over this. I can’t help but think that I wish I was one of those ‘horrible’ people who are willing to say something when inappropriate liberties are taken during the mass. I need to overcome my ‘catholic’ reticence to speak up (kindly of course). So, as a result of my newly found spine, I have compiled a top ten list of reasons to join the “LiturgiCops”:

10—When the pastor tries to hide each time he sees you, it leads to many fun games of hide and seek.
9 —Time to get in touch with my inner Pharisee.
8 —I look good in Jackboots.
7 —Carrying around copies of the GIRM, Sacrosanctum Concilium, and Redemptionis Sacramentum is good for the biceps.
6 —The look on the priests face when I express my concerns in Latin is priceless.
5 —Pastor has a humorous nervous tick when I sit in the front pew with a notebook and pen furiously scribbling.
4 —Membership includes a decoder ring.
3 —Repeating “Rubrics—Rubrics—Rubrics” helps me go to sleep at night.
2 —The Gregorian Chant club is way cooler than the Chess club.

And the number one reason to join the LiturgiCops:

1 —I have always wanted to nail a copy of the “Motu Proprio” to the front door of my church.