Monkey Magna Carta

“Hiasl” is a chimpanzee that will have his day in an Austrian court to address whether primates should be guaranteed human rights.

In a case that could set a global legal precedent as slippery as a banana peel for granting basic rights to apes, animal rights advocates are seeking to get the 26-year-old male chimpanzee legally declared a “person.”

I’m all for the case. Let him have his day in court and I want him to present his own case. And let’s face it monkeys dressed up in bowties are always funny. I can’t wait until he objects and the fecal matter goes a flyin’.

This is one of the lead stories on CNN right now, and the feature highlights how the legal team representing Austrian chimp “Hiasl” will include the famous primatologist Jane Goodall.

This is not a stand alone case. It’s a trend. Spain has proposed a law to allow moral guardianship of great apes like those for comatose patients or the severely ill. (On second thought these apes should read up on what we do with our comatose patients and severely ill before they sign onto that one)

Supporters are threatening to take this matter all the way to the European Human Rights Commission which I assume would have to change its name upon taking the case.