Why Can’t I Be the New Anything?

Infamous atheist Richard Dawkins recently said, “Atheists are the new gays.” And he’s not kidding. In fact, I don’t think he ever kids.

It seems to me that everyone is always doing the same old thing and trying to make it the new something.

It used to be that gays were the new African-Americans due to their “civil rights” plight. I’m not sure what the African Americans became but I doubt they’re happy about it.

So I checked around the internet and found many suprising things:

Libertarians are the new Green Party.

Premarital sex is the new communism. (I don’t really get that one but I think it’s because the right wing doesn’t like either.)

Britney Spears is the new Madonna.

Rich White People are the New Homeless. (It’s out there. Google it.)

But all this “new” confuses me. And it got me wondering why can’t I ever be the new anything. I’m always the old. When will being the short chubby bearded Dad with five kids who drives a minivan and goes to church the new something? I guess I just am what I am. Some days I’m good. Other days I’m not so good. But I think the important thing is that I don’t attempt to redefine my shortcomings as the new good.

Instead of being the new anything shouldn’t we get the old stuff down first. I think I’d rather plug into something timeless and true than always be reinventing myself into the new anything.

Malls are the new Town Squares. I’m the old square.

And all this left me wondering that if atheists are the new gay, what if you’re gay and atheist? You’re old. You’re new. You’re confused. Hey, maybe confusion is the new truth. For some. But not for me.