Oh No! I Killed the Universe

In only the latest chapter of human egomania and guilt, American scientists are concluding that mankind is not only threatening the Earth; our activities may be shortening the life of the universe too.

This “science” is based on the same instinct humans had when lightning would strike and start a fire, the men and women would point fingers and ask whose fault it was.
Asccording to today’s scientific theories, Gallileo was wrong. Humans are the center of the universe.

The startling claim is made by a pair of American cosmologists investigating the consequences for the cosmos of quantum theory. Over the past few years, cosmologists have taken this powerful theory of what happens at the level of subatomic particles and tried to extend it to understand the universe, since it began in the subatomic realm during the Big Bang.

According to the scientists, the universe has been nudged closer to its death just by us looking at it. Here it is from the UK Telegraph:

There is an odd feature of the theory that philosophers and scientists still argue about. In a nutshell, the theory suggests that we change things simply by looking at them and theorists have puzzled over the implications for years.

They often illustrate their concerns about what the theory means with mind-boggling experiments, notably Schrodinger’s cat in which, thanks to a fancy experimental set up, the moggy is both alive and dead until someone decides to look, when it either carries on living, or dies. That is, by one interpretation (by another, the universe splits into two, one with a live cat and one with a dead one.)

New Scientist reports a worrying new variant as the cosmologists claim that astronomers may have accidentally nudged the universe closer to its death by observing dark energy, a mysterious anti gravity force which is thought to be speeding up the expansion of the cosmos.

Now, when I was a child, the theory occured to me that everyone only existed in my mind. Everyone in my life disappeared when I wasn’t looking at them. Now these “grown-ups” have not laughed this theory off but extended it so that the entire universe is subject to our eye’s rovings.

So when things happen outside of our control it seems to be a legitimate response to feel your limitations and acknowledge a greater power. But these people notice things out of their control and assume god-like status saying they controlled it without even knowing it. This is the “Look Ma, no hands” scientific theory.

If people right now are not laughing at these men, I do hope that their absurdities at least are the cause of some future guffaws for grown-ups.