Anti-Social Man Hopes Company Arrives Soon

An anti-social man said today that he hopes his guests will arrive soon. While some experts are saying they believe this new attitude to be an emotional breakthrough, some are more skeptical.

Matthew Archbold, who frequently writes for the blog Creative Minority Report, has a daughter receiving her first Communion tomorrow and guests aren’t expected until Sunday at 1 p.m..

“I’m very excited about this,” said Archbold, an infamous anti-social curmudgeon. “I can’t wait for the party to start.”

Some sociologist experts are however speculating that Archbold simply wants the company to arrive only because it would mean an end to cleaning the house. “We keep the house pretty tidy,” said Archbold. “But now she wants me to dust under my books. I mean come on! How much dust can get under a book?”

Archbold’s wife also seems to think all toys must not only be put away but out of sight. Archbold made a joke that we have to erase any evidence that children live in the house. The “joke,” however, did not go over well with his wife.

His wife also cleaned the oven, something Archbold completely didn’t understand as the family had already ordered lunch meat for the party. “Do you really think someone’s going to look in the oven?” Archbold asked but only received a nasty glance.

And suddenly as of noon, Archbold’s wife declared she wanted him to put the doors on the entertainment center (something he’d promised to do weeks ago.) Archbold said he’d attempted to do it but couldn’t immediately locate the right size screwdriver so gave up. Some experts (including Archbold’s wife) say he gave up too soon.

“Normally I’m not a big fan of having company,” said Archbold. “But I can’t wait for people to get here. I’ve already called a friend of mine and asked him to get here as early as he can.”

But even that ploy doesn’t always work, as is well known after the infamous Christening incident in 2003 when a friend showed up early and Archbold’s wife actually put him to work, this destroying weeks of planning between the two friends.

The children, while doing everything asked of them, have repeatedly sent their father imploring looks as to when he would be able to stop the torture. At one point Archbold was sent out to the store and every one of his children volunteered to join him.