You Might Not Be A Catholic If…

When asked what religion you are, you say, “I was raised Catholic…”

If you’ve said, “I’m a Catholic but I think for myself…”

You refer in an un-mocking manner to “The Spirit of Vatican II.”

If you’re pro-choice.

If you’re on the NY Times speed dial for their religion stories.

You’re Father Richard McBrien.

You can’t remember if you went to Mass last Christmas.

If upon someone questioning your devotion to your faith you say, “Well what about the priest sexual abuse scandal?”

If you’ve said, “The Church is all about money.”

If you didn’t get the big deal about “The DaVinci Code.”

If you say, “I’m more spiritual than religious…”

If you attend Saint Joan of Arc in Minneapolis.

If you’ve said, “The Church should stay out of my bedroom!”

If you call Jesus “a great philosopher.”

If you think the overriding message of the gospels is “Judge not lest ye be judged.”

If you think the puppet gave a good sermon.

If you believe the frump in the moo-moo has a valid ordination.

If you’re an Obamaniac.

If you believe we haven’t had a Pope since 1958.

If your name is Bishop Williamson.

If your house was on fire and you’d save your Marty Haugen’s Greatest Hits Volume II CD.