Three Things About Marriage

Danielle Bean, over at Faith and Family Live, asks “What three things would you tell someone who is about to get married?”

Danielle provides some excellent advice for the newly married.
1. The thing that drives you crazy is also the thing you love.
2. There is no 50/50.
3. Go to bed together.

This is excellent advice. I suggest you follow it.

If I may, perhaps some advice for the prospective grooms.

Set the bar low.
If for the first couple of years, you are considerate and helpful around the house, she will expect it forever. I take that back, if you are considerate and helpful around the house for the first fifteen minutes she will expect it forever. Don’t get me wrong, you should help out, but you need to be strategic. If at the beginning you are helpful all the time, she will think that that is the way it should be. Then in the future if help you get no credit and if you slack off a lil’, you’re a bum. However, if you are a bit of a bum up front, every time thereafter that you help out, she will know it is because you care. Bonus credit! A win win!

Women don’t make rhetorical statements.
There will be many times that your new wife will ask you a question that you will assume through context is rhetorical in nature and is not meant to be answered. It isn’t. Women don’t ask rhetorical questions. They actually expect a response even to questions you cannot possibly answer. They will also make statements that you think are only informational and do not require a response. Again, wrong. They want a response, even if that response is merely “I hereby acknowledge that your lips moved and I heard words.” I can’t explain this, but trust me it is true.

Admit you are the bad guy, and that makes you the good guy.
Many young grooms think that arguments are meant to be won. Nope. You are the bad guy, so just apologize. I know, I know. You know that were this a college debate club, your victory would be so obvious and complete that the rest of your team would thrust you to their shoulders for a victory lap. You know this, so why should you apologize and take the blame? Let me explain it to you in terms you can understand. Because.

The funny thing is, when you take the blame for something in an argument in which you are convinced of the veracity of your position, she is more likely to listen to you. When emotion is in the way, you can’t win. Not—less likely to win, not—more difficult to win, you can’t win. So as hard as it may seem at first, take the hit, heal the emotions, make her feel that you care. More times than not, if you do this, she will eventually think about what you had to say. I know it seems backwards, but again, trust me.

So there you have it. My contribution to millions of successful future marriages. Remember this during my canonization proceedings.