Fireworks Over Town Canceling Christmas

My new favorite fireworks company is pulling out of a holiday boat parade because “Christmas” was dropped from the event’s name, says Fox News. Good for them.

“Fireworks by Grucci” last year donated $5,000 of fireworks to last years Patchogue Christmas Boat Parade -which consists of millionaires decorating their yachts and floating down the Patchogue River. But now the millionaires have gone too far. They forgot the reason for the season by renaming the event the Patchogue Holiday Boat Parade.

So the company’s vice president, Philip Butler, who has criticized the secularization of Christmas in the past, said parade organizers were “using all the themes of Christmas and plagiarizing all those themes.”

Parade organizers said they changed the name after complaints that the use of “Christmas” wasn’t inclusive enough. I’d love to ask this guy how many complaints. I mean really. Do you think he really even received two?

And in a nice example of Christmas cheer, the town’s Mayor Paul Pontieri acted like a spoiled thirteen year old by saying he didn’t even care that the fireworks company pulled out, “When I think about fireworks, I don’t think about Christmas anyway.”

Something tells me, this guy doesn’t think a whole lot about Christmas. Period.

Well I’m absolutely sure that thousands of people will crowd around the Patchogue River to see how you decorated your yacht now that the fireworks are gone. Tell your mother to bring her camera because she might be the only one there.

And I’m now declaring The Grucci fireworks company to be the official fireworks company of CMR. If we ever hold a CMR parade with Patrick and I walking down the street, the Grucci’s will be shooting off fireworks all around us. And there will also be pigs in blankets because that’s the greatest food ever invented. CMR doesn’t have an official pigs in blankets maker yet. Any takers?