Obama Inspires “Blob of Tissue” Boom!
Barack Obama, who infamously said he sees babies as punishments, is now, I guess, facing his first national emergency due to what could become a mega-nationwide punishment caused by…himself.
Newsweek is saying that many people got a little…excited…about Obama’s election and therefore…uhm you know. However, Newsweek is inappropriately jumping the gun and calling it a possible “Barack Obama Baby boom.” CMR, in deference to the President-elect and his minions, is calling it the “Barack Obama blob-of-tissue-that-could-one-day-possibly-become-a-baby-if-the-mother-so-chooses-boom.”
Who’s Newsweek to call them babies? So patriarchal! Isn’t that up to the women and not up to a news magazine which tries to force its viewpoint on these poor women. Sheesh!
Here’s the story:
The theory is almost too perfect to be true. Barack Obama, the son of politically progressive parents, was born Aug. 4, 1961—almost nine months to the day after John F. Kennedy was elected to the White House. Is it possible Obama was conceived on that historic night?
And if so, could history repeat itself? In the hours and days since Obama’s victory, many of his exhilarated supporters have been, shall we say, in the mood for love. And though it’s too soon to know for sure, experts aren’t ruling out the possibility of an Obama baby boom—the kind of blip in the national birth rate that often follows a seismic event, whether it’s scary (a terrorist attack) or celebratory (the end of World War II). “The mood of the country and the optimism about leadership is always somewhat related to birth rates,” says Dr. Manny Alvarez, chief of reproductive science at Hackensack University Medical Center in New Jersey. “I’m gearing up for a healthy increase.”
Hope and euphoria, says University of Washington sociologist Pepper Schwartz, are a serious aphrodisiac. And voters under 30 went for Obama by a margin of 2 to 1. When you combine those two elements—randy people of child-bearing age—the likely result is what the online Urban Dictionary has already dubbed “Obama Babies” : children “conceived after Obama was proclaimed President, by way of celebratory sex.” “If the amount of alcohol, happy people and major functions on election night is any indication, I suspect we’ll indeed see a boom,” says 25-year-old Brandon Mendelson, a graduate student in Albany, N.Y., who says he changed his vote at the last minute because “I wanted to be able to tell our future children that we voted for Obama.”
Never mind how creepy it is that a reporter is sitting around imagining Obama’s conception. Just think of the irony of the most pro-death President behind hailed as the inspiration for a baby boom (possibly just months before he signs the Freedom of Choice Act.)
The important thing is we have before us the first consequence of the Obama presidency could eventually be (if the mother so chooses) thousands of little CO2 spouting punishments. An auspicious beginning to a newly minted Camelot, dontcha think?
H/T Kristen