The Kmiec Catholic Re-Education Camp

Are you having trouble understanding how voting pro-choice is actually a pro-life decision?

Experiencing difficulty seeing how the most radically pro-abortion President is actually the best thing to happen to babies since pacifiers?

Feeling like you’re not a “cool Catholic” or you’re out of step with the majority of Catholics?

If you answer yes to any of these simple questions, then you might be a candidate for the Kmiec Catholic Re-Education Camp.
The camp is a great way to be re instructed in your faith and fall in line with what the majority of Catholics believe.

It’s fun. Movie night is when we put toothpicks in your eyelids so you don’t miss even one second of the lesson…uh…movie. There are classes in counter intuitive logic taught by the great Doug Kmiec himself to make it easier for you to accept difficult and elusive “truths.”

But wait. There’s more. You can spend hours in our spacious library which has the latest bestsellers “The Audacity of Hope” and “Dreams from My Father.” Or if inspirational life stories aren’t your cup of tea we have the “Newly Revised Catholic Catechism” with newly added chapters like “Why Your Uninformed Conscience Trumps the Thinking of Great Theologians and Saints” and “The Confusion Around Abortion from Augustine to Aquinas” by Nancy Pelosi.

Dine in our new cafe called “The Cafeteria Catholic” and try the Maria Shriver soup, or the Father Pfleger filet of soul.

Also, don’t forget to visit our newly remodeled “Vox Nova” wing everyone’s just screaming about!

And best of all is that you can stay at the Kmiec education camp for a few days, a month, or even a few years.* And don’t worry about paying, the Kmiec Catholic Re-Education Camp is taxpayer subsidized due to the hard work of Nancy Pelosi, Vice President Joe Biden, and HHS Secretary Tom Daschle.

And you don’t have to worry about enrolling. We’ll come get you. Just speak out against Obama or pro-choice Catholics and our Kmiec Wagon will come get you any time of night. Free of charge!

*Stays lasting longer than two years without positive results may end in your permanent disappearance.