Keep Your Theology Off My Technology

Forty years ago, many Catholics were shocked to find the Catholic Church invading their bedrooms with the promulgation of Humanae Vitae and all of its rules and regulations regarding sex. Now, just as people were kind of calming down about that and completely ignoring it, the Church has made a new attempt to tick everyone off with the publication of a new document with even more rules -this time for scientific laboratories.

In the document, Dignitas Personae, the Catholic Church is trying to force its own views on the brave new world of biotechnology, condemning the freezing of human embryos, genetic engineering, human cloning, animal/human genetic hybrids, and a number of other procedures described as affronts to human dignity.

Non-Catholics and Catholics alike are shocked and appalled to find the Church in laboratories.

“It’s bad enough that the Church is in my bedroom,” said one woman. “But now to find it in the lab is even more distressing. What room is next?”

Many people say it’s getting to be where no avenue of life is free from religion or ethics. Some actually fear that the Catholic Church may one day outline ethics rules for the workplace. “That won’t be good for business,” said one Catholic man, who said that although he doesn’t really go to Church per se, considers himself “pretty much very devout” and “definitely spiritual.”

One worried woman who used to be a Catholic said, “it’s getting that the Church wants to tell everyone how to act in like every situation. I mean sometimes I just need to be me. I mean like let me just do what I want, you know?”

Groups of activists are congregating outside churches across America today with signs saying, “Keep your rosaries off our laboratories.”

The group promised to come up with better slogans soon but explained that the document just came out today. “We’re thinking about going with something like ‘keep your theology off our technology’ but we’re not sure yet,” said one woman.

Said one Catholic who goes to Church on most Christmases: “Every time the Church acts all anti-science like this, it’s like Galileo is being beheaded all over again.”