When I Grow Up I Want to Be…

O.K. Look. I’m a stay at home Dad. Yeah I write press releases for companies, non-profits, and political campaigns but let’s face it – the main thing I do with my time is run an insane asylum for little people that look a lot like me.

I didn’t know that stay at home Dads were growing in popularity but we must be because we have an acronym now. SAHD. I looked it up.

But when I tell people at parties what I do, I don’t know what to say because to say “writer” sounds pompous and I don’t even have a pipe or a cardigan. And I don’t want to say, “I write press releases for anybody with money in their pocket.” And SAHD just sounds very boring.

The thing is that I’m happy with my life. I’m looking for a job that just sounds cool to other people…and I just found it.

Now, I don’t know what I have to do to get this gig but I want to be head of The Apostolic Penitentiary. Or even more impressive if you want to be formal- I want to be head of The Supreme Tribunal of the Apostolic Penitentiary.

Now, I don’t need to start off as the head. I don’t even need to be on the “Supreme” Tribunal to begin with. Just put me on one of the minor tribunals and I’ll work my way up. Just give me a fair shake.

But just imagine dropping your title on someone at a barbecue. You’ll get their respect and maybe even a little fear especially after you refuse to elaborate on what it is you do there. Just drop that job title on them and then start writing down everything they do in a little notebook. That’ll freak them right out.

And yeah I know the whole Supreme Tribunal is about forgiveness. But most people don’t know that. And even if they Google it, I’ll just say, “Yes, that’s what we’re telling people nowadays.”