Save the Digital Babies
Sociologists and ethicists along with millions of Americans joined together yesterday in protest of what some are calling a harbinger of societal breakdown with the introduction of a new IPhone game which features the killing of digital babies.
Sociologist and ethicist Richard Iam said we must be careful of a slippery slope when it comes to how we treat digital children. For years, he said, America has made it perfectly legal, acceptable, and often even preferable to kill real human babies but he added that we should all be concerned that society may soon believe it’s acceptable to kill digital babies.
Millions agree that there must be a line drawn somewhere and expressed outraged that the Apple iPhone App allowed the killing of digital babies with its “Baby Shaker” game. Apple Inc. pulled the 99-cent iPhone game called “Baby Shaker” yesterday due to the outrage by millions.
And rightly so, say some pro-digital children organizations. “Apple went way over the line on this one,” said spokesperson for Save the Metaphorical Babies, Lou Nacey. “What did a metaphorical baby ever do to anyone?”
In fact, the App starts up with these words: “On a plane, on the bus, in a theater. Babies are everywhere you don’t want them to be! They’re always distracting you from preparing for that big presentation at work with their incessant crying. Before Baby Shaker there was nothing you could do about it.”
“But that’s making digital babies pay for the sins of real babies,” said Missy Conduct, spokeswoman for The Society for the Sustaining of Metaphorical Characters.
She said that in many ways digital babies are so much better than real ones and deserving of constitutional protection. “Human babies are often a burden to society, have massive carbon footprints, and add to overpopulation while with digital children there’s no dirty diapers, no noise pollution, and no responsibility” said Mz. Conduct. “If a sixteen year old girl has a human baby her life is over. She immediately has no career opportunities, her education is out the window, and she’s likely to be shunned by her parents so it makes sense to abort. But digital children have never harmed anyone. They are truly innocent victims.”
Sensing a groundswell, a number of Democrat legislators introduced legislation yesterday to protect children made of binary codes but the bill was defeated when one Republican tried to stick an Amendment that would have included flesh and blood babies under the same legal protection. “A Republican dirty trick,” said Congressional aide Anita Ayecue. “Without legal protection, it may be open season on digital children and Republicans just don’t care.”
ACORN representatives have already registered thousands of digital children to vote in the hopes of creating a powerful lobbying force for legal protection of digital children.