CMR’s 8 Signs of Apocalypse (Vol IX)

The image above was in a downloadable children’s coloring book on the Federal Emergency Management Agency website. And yes that is a drawing of the September 11 terrorist attack on the World Trade Center. The coloring book, titled “A Scary Thing Happened,” is geared towards helping kids “cope with disasters.”

Now, the only way this would be acceptable would be if FEMA and Child Services were in cahoots in some kind of sting operation where anyone that actually gave this image to a child to color would be locked up immediately.

Exit question: Isn’t it a little weird that the same picture that’s occurring in her window is also in the book that she’s reading?

This kid will not bring in the Apocalypse. In fact, if he were in charge of bringing it I would guarantee it would never get here. No. What this kid signifies is that we are totally unprepared for any amount of fecal matter hitting the fan. We are weak and worthless. Biden-esque even. Incompetence on steroids.

How are we going to battle the inevitable robot attack if we can’t even punch our buddy in the arm who’s standing still and cringing like a three year old.

Oh, you don’t think the robot attack is inevitable? Ha. Shows what you know. It’s already started Mr./Mz. Smarty Pants.

According to The Local a robot attacked a Swedish factory worker.

Well, to be fair, who hasn’t wanted to attack a Swedish factory worker at least once in their life. But if you think it’s all fun and games just wait until a Swedish factory worker that you know gets attacked and then it won’t be so funny. Here’s the story:

A Swedish company has been fined 25,000 kronor ($3,000) after a malfunctioning robot attacked and almost killed one of its workers at a factory north of Stockholm.

Public prosecutor Leif Johansson mulled pressing charges against the firm but eventually opted to settle for a fine.

My goodness, even the reaction is wrong. The company paid a little fine? No. That place should’ve been doused in gas and lit up like the 4th of July (which isn’t actually a holiday in Sweden) and all Swedish factory workers should’ve laughed as they heard the cries of the robots that sound like metallic seagulls begging for their little metallic lives to be spared.

And let their charred robot remains be a lesson to all robots. Nobody picks on Swedish factory workers. Nobody.

In April of 1961, Russian cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin became the first human to travel into space aboard Vostok 1. Peering through the window of his spacecraft, Gagarin was reported to have said, “I don’t see any God up here”

I’m starting to think, maybe he just wasn’t looking in the right place.

Technically, the crown of thorns is not a sign of the apocalypse. Our indifference to it is.

Hollywood is remaking Drop Dead Fred, says AICN:

Why? Why?

Exit Question: What year did original thought die in this country?

Alien Skull Found on Mars. Uh huh.
The UK Telegraph is reporting that an alien skull has been found on Mars:

‘Alien skull’ spotted on Mars
UFO spotters are claiming they have spotted an alien skull on Mars after NASA beamed back satellite images from the planet.

An oddly shaped space boulder appears to show eye sockets and a nose leading to speculation it might be a Martian skull. Internet forums are full of chatter about the picture, taken by a panoramic NASA camera known as Spirit.

One alien-spotter speculated: “The skull is 15 cm with binocular eyes 5 cm apart. The cranial capacity is approximately 1400 cc.

“There appears to be a narrow pointed small mouth, so this creature most likely is a carnivore.”

A carnivore? Perhaps even a MANIVORE!?

Could I make a suggestion. I say we leave the skull right where it is and tuck a little note right under it. “Dear Man-Eating Alien, This is what happened to the last alien that got within even one planet of us. If you do not vacate the galaxy right quick this is how you’ll end up too. Capische?”

The world isn’t dangerous enough? We needed this?

We now have an environmentally friendly shower curtain which isn’t at all human friendly. It’s the newest and best way to ensure you’re saving water. Because if you waste water it suffocates you. No. I’m actually serious.

“This shower curtain slowly inflates around you while you shower. It leaves you only a few minutes to take your shower before trapping you.” That’s the selling point. A species stupid enough to make this deserves to be wiped out. Doesn’t anyone see how this could have drawbacks?

Exit Question: Could this inflatable technology could be used to protect Swedish factory workers from harm. Make some calls.

5 … 4 … 3 … 2 … 1 …………………………….

If you’d like to add any signs of the apocalypse you are encouraged to write them in the combox. Eventually, one of you will be right.

Posted by Patrick & Matthew Archbold