Former Fetus Now Pro-Choice
A former fetus who was decidedly pro-life while in the womb announced today that he’s pro-choice, suspiciously just months after being born.
Now outside the womb, the baby who asked not to be named, said he realizes that sometimes difficult choices have to be made when it comes to giving life. He says he is still very much against the euthanasia of small children but added that he could change his mind about this later as an adult. He credited his change in perspective to “personal growth.”
“I believe that it is best for a child to not be born at all than to be born hated, to a mother who is forced to have him because she has no choice,” said the baby. “I believe reasonable people can all agree that we want all children to be wanted and loved. Abortion ensures this to be the case. It’s actually quite beautiful.”
He said that when he looks back on his time as a pro-life activist fetus he can’t even relate to himself. “I don’t even know who that person was…Well not that I was a person back then. I was a fetus…a “product of conception” or something like that. But I’m born now and I think I see the world a little clearer.”
He said the fetal community is unanimously pro-life but he said he’s spoken to other fetuses who were recently born and many are reconsidering their stand on the issue. “After you come out, abortion isn’t really that big a deal anymore. I think euthanasia, child abuse, and the lack of Chuck E Cheese’s are the issues of the day.”
He said he’d like to see all former fetuses not be made to feel like hypocrites just because they’re becoming more informed on many other issues and don’t agree that abortion trumps all other issues.
The baby said he sees overpopulation as a big issue. “Sometimes my mom puts me in front of CNN and I take it all in. I think that now that I’m born we really have to start working to reduce the population to save the planet. There’s a lot of problems outside the womb, man. A lot of problems. I think that inside the womb I had a distorted view of my own self importance. But now, since I’ve been born, I see that not every fetus is the end all and be all.”
He said all the effort that “pro-lifers” (and he put up the air quotes with his little baby digits) should be put into educating and entertaining the children that exist in the world right now. “Hey, the children are the future and I’m one of them so focus on me.”