Of Floozies, Virgins, and Volcanoes

A senior Iranian cleric says women who wear revealing clothing and behave promiscuously are to blame for earthquakes.

No, I am not making this up.

So I gotta ask, who is responsible for volcanoes?

Do we blame promiscuous women again or is it just the really promiscuous ones? How bad do you have to dress to be upgraded from earthquake to volcano? Britney bad? I just want to know.

I like to categorize things. This way when walking down the street or at the mall I can easily estimate the natural disaster associated with the varying levels of dress/undress. Between JC Penney and Starbucks I can check them off. “Earthquake, earthquake, volcano, earthquake, oooh that one maybe a tsunami, oh but that one is just Haagen-Dazs caused disaster, minor tremor, volcano…”

Why Abercrombie & Fitch alone is responsible for many natural disasters, and maybe even some earthquakes too.

The modern problem with these volcano spawning tramps is that we no longer have the traditional remediation methods available. In the old days, when the village floozy got Mt. Eskilakmoronifidameterakillimanjaro acting up, we would just round up some unfortunate, but patriotic virgins to toss into the fire pit. The modern problem is that we got lots o’floozies, but sacrificial virgins are harder to come by.

I bet Iceland wishes it had an abstinence program right about now, huh?

Actually, now that I think about it, the problem with all the hooker habiliments is not that we don’t have anyone left to throw into the fire-pit. The problem is that too many are ending up in the fire-pit.

To blame the scantily clad and the promiscuous for natural disasters is silly. What they actually cause is much worse.