13 Reasons Not to Attend Obama Elementary

News reports say that the first school in the D.C. area named after President Barack Obama opened today as the school year began.

Barack Obama Elementary School opened its doors in Upper Marlboro, Md. This school will have several unique issues:

1) Geography students will be taught there are 57 states.

2) Math students will learn that if you subtract enough you get a plus.

3) No child is allowed to attend any other school, especially private religious schools.

4) No child will put their hand on their heart during the Pledge of Allegiance.

5) The Pledge will actually not be said.

6) Abortions will be available free of charge in the “Don’t wanna be punished with a baby” clinic and performed by the school nurse without parental consent.

7) No official transcripts will be kept on students or ever released.

8) Teachers must say, “Let me be perfectly clear…” before saying something completely confusing.

9) All teachers will use teleprompters.

10) The student chorus will sing “Barack Hussein Obama MMM-mmm-MMM at every event.

11) Jews are only allowed in if they promise not to expand their homes.

12) The cafeteria food stinks because Michelle Obama is in charge of the “Battle Obesity” menu.

13) Children play golf instead of doing their classwork a few days a week.

Bonus: There will be no multiplication table drills because Obama doesn’t believe in drilling.

If you’d like to add any please feel free in the combox. Usually the ones you guys put in the combox are better than mine.