A friend said to me the other day upon learning my wife is pregnant, “Again! Are you crazy? You’re never going to be able to have a normal life.”
A normal life? I wonder what that means.
Every once in a while someone says something which makes you view your life from an outside perspective. They kind of poke your soul and prod some doubts. Am I ruining my life? Am I filling up my already crowded house too much? Can I afford this many children? (We’re having our fifth) Is my life…abnormal? I was kind of in a funk all day about it.
I took the kids to the bookstore later in the day and my youngest who is feeling the liberation of no longer being in the stroller walked straight into a bookshelf while I’d been reading a magazine about college football. My oldest daughter ran up to him and hugged him in the overly dramatic way that seven year old girls master. But my two year old felt his injury was worthy of dramatics and he hugged her back and tried to explain in his gobbledeygook English what the evil and surprisingly mobile bookshelf had done. My seven year old consoled him saying, “I told you it’s dangerous outside the stroller.”
I laughed loudly and my children looked at me like I was crazy. And a nearby woman with a beret looked at me like I was crazy too as if to say, “Sir, your child has been injured and you’re laughing?” I would have told her he’s not really hurt. She should’ve been there the time he decided to climb up on top of the couch and jump off. All I can say about that is thank God my four year old is so squishy.
As we were leaving the bookstore my five year old announced, “I wish I were handicapped.” She said this because I’d parked at least 25 feet away from the door of the store. I laughed and she looked up at me like I was crazy.
And last night I held my hand on my wife’s stomach and felt our baby’s hiccups every four seconds. We laughed the way first graders laugh at hiccups. Anyone would have thought we were crazy.
I wandered around my house in the dark after my wife fell asleep. What my friend was saying is that my life will never again be focused on what should be the center of my universe- Me. I should worship the only trinity that matters down here -me, myself and I.
But here’s the thing. I’m not as impressed with myself as I used to be. I know all my stories. I’m not as brilliant as I once thought I was. I’m fond of me but quite frankly disappointed. I’m just simply more interested in the other people in my life and watching them create their stories. I just hope I come out better in their stories than I know I am.
So here’s what I learned today. It’s dangerous outside the stroller. And if you’re not careful you could wind up handicapped but with a really good parking spot. I learned that my friends and a woman in a beret think I’m crazy. I learned that my children think I’m crazy. So things look pretty normal here to me.
July 13, 2007 at 3:05 pm
Thank you. My husband and I have 8. Our oldest, 23, just moved back in. All 10 of us living in an 1800 sq. ft. bungalow. My life is not normal. Nor would I want it to be. You have reminded me, again, that it is in the little details that the difference is made.
Sharon
July 13, 2007 at 4:42 pm
thank you. I sometimes look forward to my kids getting older and then I scold myself. I think we all sometimes need a lesson in appreciating what we have.
July 13, 2007 at 11:15 pm
I feel your pain. I, too, am disillusioned by my personal trinity and in spite of all manner of lecturing and correction, I can’t do a thing with myself.
However, I did discover that my life became monumentally easier the first time I learned that “I don’t know” is an adequate answer in many circumstances!
July 14, 2007 at 12:31 am
Matthew,
Thank you so much for this. We
just had our 4th child and I
sometimes have wondered if my
life will ever be “under control”
again. But you helped me to
understand that that was just
a euphemism for “having things
the way *I* want them”. Which
is just plain selfishness. There
is nothing more beautiful when
one “loses oneself”.
God bless you and your family,
– Tim
July 14, 2007 at 1:17 am
Thank you so much for the kind words. The funniest thing I’ve found is that my unhappiness almost always stems from my agenda being thwarted. Once I tailor my wants to others I feel happier. That’s not to say I let the kids run the place but in any plan I make I have to consider that they’re with me -all the time. And that they’re children. Sometimes I forget. I’m still working on it.
July 14, 2007 at 4:01 am
An awesome post. My wife and I are expecting our fourth. We have been married 5 1/2 years.
We have not announced it yet..and my co-workers tend to assume we are “through” and make some comments that are funny, knowing what I know.
July 14, 2007 at 5:30 am
Great post Matthew. It is good to be reminded why we do what we do sometimes. Our 7th is on the way and in the heat it isn’t so pleasant for my wife.
Thank you.
July 14, 2007 at 1:19 pm
I just found out today my wife is having our fifth on tuesday. Hooray! I love when complete strangers ask, “So are you done now?” What a question? I wouldn’t dream of asking someone that.
July 15, 2007 at 1:57 am
Some day I am going to have my own blog. I have already decided on a title, “Don’t You Know What Causes That!” Can’t tell you how many times I have heard that one when I am hauling my brood around.
Sharon
July 15, 2007 at 3:42 am
that’s right. sharon, now that you said it I’ve heard that one well over a dozen times myself and not just from people I know.
July 16, 2007 at 1:19 am
You could always try looking very reminiscent and happy and impish, and then say, “I certainly do.”
July 17, 2007 at 12:28 am
Thank you all — I weakened after my fourth, but you restore my faith in the strength and resiliance of the younger generation.
July 17, 2007 at 12:00 pm
Maureen, I’ve practiced looking impish in the mirror for hours now and I’m just not sure I’m pulling it off.
Margaret, thanks for the kind words.