In this day and age we are accustomed to customizing about everything. You can customize your car, your license plates, your desktop, your homepage. You can customize your phone, your clothes, and even your diet plan. With all the things you can customize these days, why not your church?
Some of the more advanced thinkers in our society have already begun down this path of customization. Meet Father Bryan Marabanian, priest of the United States Old Catholic Church. What is the Old Catholic Church you ask? Well if you thought that because the name contains the word “Old” that it is likely a group of rad-trads building their own bunker, think again. The United States Old Catholic Church is self described as “a socially progressive catholic faith community and is not associated with the Roman Catholic Church. The USOCC welcomes all people to the reception of all sacraments including eucharist, marriage and holy orders, regardless of their marital status, sexual orientation or identity.”
OK! Back to Fr. Marabanian. Father is being promoted to Bishop of the USOCC. Mazel Tov! Not too shabby for a young man of thirty. The recent press release of the USOCC tells us all about Father.
Father Bryan Marabanian, 30, a native of Chicago, Illinois, was reared
in the Armenian Apostolic tradition. He attended St. Joseph Seminary, Loyola University Chicago and Northwestern Theological Seminary. Father currently serves on the Council of Bishops in the USOCC and as Pastor of the Good Shepherd Community in Richmond, Virginia. He lives in the Church Hill neighborhood of Richmond with his partner, John Gorman.
Okay again, ’nuff said. Anyway with all this faith customization going on today, I have had a brilliant Kramden-esque idea. I am going to start an online service called MyCustomizedCatholic.com.
On this service, you can customize you your faith profile until your heart is content. There will be a checklist of all the teachings of the really Old Catholic Church (the 2000 yr. old version). Simply by checking a box you can drop any of the more disagreeable teachings. No Sex outside marriage…uncheck.
No artificial contraception…uncheck. Reiki…check.
Whatever you want or don’t want is just a click away!
After you have successfully completed your personal faith profile, MyCustomizedCatholic.com will find other like minded progressive peeps so that you can create your own faith community. For a small additional fee you can even name your faith community. MyCustomizedCatholic.com will maintain a registry of completely made up Church names for you to select from or you can create one of your very own.
MyCustomizedCatholic.com will also have an online directory of dissident priests that you can hire to bring the Sacra-ligious-ments™ to your faith community.
Don’t be stuck with someone else’s version of the Catholic Church anymore! At MyCustomizedCatholic.com build your own Church!
May 26, 2008 at 3:22 pm
brilliant. And I’d imagine that it can change with your moods. One day you’re feeling a little more liberal than others, you can customize it again. It’s like a supernatural mood ring, if your kind of Catholicism believe in the supernatural.
May 26, 2008 at 3:23 pm
how about this for a motto? Every man his own Peter.
May 26, 2008 at 3:39 pm
This is great! When does it go on-line? I can’t wait to use it!
Just one question:
When I’ve designed my own faith and found my soulmate who agrees 100%, do you guarantee that God will join my church as well?
May 26, 2008 at 4:52 pm
There are numerous “Old Catholic” and other independent Catholic sects in the USA and throughout the world. Some have valid apostolic succession, while others only claim to, usually because a female has been entered into the lineage, or their original bishop (Mar Markus is one example) was never really a bishop.
The oft-repeated joke is that, when one of these sects has an ordination or other event, there are more hierarchs in the sanctuary than there are congregants in the pews.
You wonder why they can’t all get together, since many appear to have the same agenda. That would be too easy.
May 26, 2008 at 6:05 pm
I believe the darkest chapters of American Roman Catholicism are behind us. I believe there will be a great influx of Protestants over the next decade returning home to Roman Catholicism.
In theory and practice, Schism breeds Schism. Some protestants will grow tired and weary of the constant expanding of their sects with every a le carte view. This will result in tens of thousands of fragment sects and growing, some trying to establish rules directly against what is given as law in the bible, which fundamentalists will not accept. The Church’s non-yielding, continuity in Her teaching will welcome these weary Protestants returning at the door.
May 27, 2008 at 1:12 am
WHats new about this, people have been doing it for years?
Funny though. Sad but funny.
May 27, 2008 at 2:04 pm
A Voice in the Crowd, you are right, and I am one of them.
Rome Sweet Home.
May 27, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Hilarious – like Extreme Church Makeover without the product placement.
May 27, 2008 at 6:02 pm
I would call such a church “Church of the Holy Mirror” where instead of God being worshipped, it is the mirror that is.
May 27, 2008 at 7:12 pm
hillarious
May 28, 2008 at 4:25 pm
To Whom It May Concern:
If you examine the USOCC’s website and the release we submitted, you’ll note that we do not disrespectfully refer to any other religious denomination. Why is it that, when one disagrees with Roman Church and still calls himself Catholic, some of her members feel the need to respond with sarcasm and/or insults?
I am happy to discuss with you the areas of our theology in which we do not agree, but only if there is mutual respect.
There are some faithful members of the Roman Church who believe that the USOCC and other likeminded communities are “pew stealing”. I assure you that is simply not the case. While some of our membership was reared in the Roman Church (just as I was reared in the Armenian Church), we see ourselves as a home for sacramental Christians who are unable to find edification through other denominations. We make ourselves available but do not “actively recruit” as is the perception of some.
In the end, our goal is the same as yours: saving souls. Perhaps focusing on what unites us as a Christian people will better serve the Universal Church than this divisive blog posting.
Sincerely yours in Christ,
Fr. Bryan Marabanian
May 28, 2008 at 6:40 pm
>Why is it that, when one disagrees with Roman Church and still calls himself Catholic
Because this blog post is not about disagreeing with the (Roman) Catholic Church but rather about pick-and-choose theology.
If one is going to be Catholic, be Catholic. If someone doesn’t want to be Catholic, don’t be Catholic. There is no gun pointed at anyone’s head. Membership in the Catholic Church is voluntary.
Picking and choosing what one believes doesn’t make one Roman Catholic, or any kind of Catholic. It makes one a member of the Church of the Holy Mirror.
One is free to believe the truth, or worship the mirror. But please, don’t confuse the two. It doesn’t make your church look good when you do.
May 28, 2008 at 6:50 pm
“I am happy to discuss with you the areas of our theology in which we do not agree, but only if there is mutual respect.”
You might start closer to home. We are familiar with some of the priestesses who have been “ordained.” Many of them spent years attacking Mother Church and her teachings from within. They infiltrated our schools and seminaries with their errors. They published books and produced talk shows on cable misrepresenting themselves as “Catholic,” which they knew full well implied “Roman Catholic.” They connived and plotted within our chancery offices.
And you wanna give us some song-and-dance about mutual respect? Sure. I’ll respect them for being honest enough with the Roman Catholic Church to leave her. I don’t respect what led to their decision.
And I don’t respect anyone disingenuous enough to ignore that bit of reality.
May 28, 2008 at 10:53 pm
What about Bishops and pastors who are not united with the Pope? Same thing…these are not “priestesses”