So two weeks ago, we’re off to my daughter’s Brownie meeting. It was the end of the year party at the Brownie leader’s house so we pull up in the van and my eight year old says, “Uh, Dad. Bad news. Someone put an Obama sign on her lawn! We should tell her so she can throw it out. Do you want me just to go get it?”
Uh, no, I said. Then in my best authoritative voice I explained that I would explain it all later -and then I hoped they’d forget. My daughter obviously didn’t understand why someone who is nice to her could support someone her Dad said was evil. So throughout this whole end of year party, I was as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs that one of my children was going to ask about this. But thankfully no mention was made again and we escaped the party without incident.
My oldest, who is eight, doesn’t let anything go. Things rattle around silently for a while in her head but a few days later she asked why Obama was bad. I told her a few reasons like he wants to take more of our money and he thinks he can talk our enemies into being good. Having a long and knowledgeable background in “Justice League” cartoons, she knows that Lex Luthor is going to be bad no matter what he says so this point hit home.
But the main reason I’m a Republican is the life issue. But I’m not sure that babies being torn apart in the womb is a thought or an image I want to place in my child’s mind. Maybe I’m wrong about this but this is an evil I’m not sure I want to introduce into their lives just yet. My children have seen many pregnancies and they’ve always been accepted joyfully.
Right now, my children couldn’t even fathom a world where mothers kill their children. Telling them about this, seems to be crossing the Rubicon out of innocence and into adulthood.
How have you guys handled this?
June 20, 2008 at 4:27 pm
That’s a hard one.
Ash Wednesday I took my 5 children (expecting my 6th) to the local abortuary to start praying. It was a launch where even our bishop was present. It became ugly because the staff started to be ugly by calling the police on us (but we had permits) and throwing the sex abuse scandals at us, but my children 10 down to 4 (except the 1yo, of course) got a dose of ugly and were rightfully outraged and disgusted.
We talk a lot about evil here at home, starting with the battle in Heaven… I think it is very, very important to ALWAYS remember (and I struggle with this at times) that we will win IF and ONLY IF and WHEN we keep GOD on our side. In the face of unspeakable evil we have to remember that CHRIST already won the victory for us. The outcome is certain – we are challenged to decide which side to be on.
In the face of unspeakable evil, I believe it is important to be honest. The Kingdom of GOD can only become real, if it becomes real in our hearts and families first. And this is how every war begins, even the unspeakable evil of killing the unborn.
Blessings, Michaela
June 20, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Abortion is something my wife and I have explained to our five daughters since they were quite young (6-7 yrs old more or less). We want to make them understand very early and very clearly what a real evil abortion is.
We have not noticed any loss of inocence as a result. Looks to me that they listen, ask, try to understand and when all that is done,the issue goes to the backburner and they carry on quarrelling between them.
Biggest issue was when my wife had a natural abortion and our eldest daughter (8 at the time) was very confused about what had happened. For a moment she thought her mother was one of those evil abortionists. We discussed the matter over and explained to her the difference. Everything fine.
June 20, 2008 at 5:20 pm
I saw a comment by a mother who’s young daughter saw an explicit abortion poster in spite of the mother’s attempt to shield her eyes.
I quote
“I was not always a fan of brutal and vivid honesty. When my oldest child was five, I was furious at local prolifers for standing at a shopping mall and holding pictures of victims of abortion. I’m a pretty protective mother. My daughter was traumatized, upset – and I was forced to explain what was going on years before I felt she was ready to process.
You know what? Try though they may, nobody was ever able to suggest in her presence that abortion wasn’t a violent murder of a living child. Many of her friends were prevented from being persuaded because of her zeal.”
Comment on “Is this what you mean” by Rev. Frank Pavone on InsideCatholic.com
June 20, 2008 at 6:15 pm
2 points:
Obama is many, many things, but he is not evil. Satan is evil, satan’s angelic minions are evil; humans aren’t “evil” where us humans, because of our sinfulness reach a state of non-redemption. Obama is very complicit in an evil enterprise (the actions are evil, not the human) It is pedantic but we should not demonize the man.
Having said that, the evil enterprise of abortion is inescapable. We explain this to our children starting young, in appropriately young language. We also remind our children that God’s love is boundless and he’ll forgive any sin, include the sin of murder.
We wish to demonize the act, not the actor. Without the focus being on His perfect love and “forgivefulness” I’m lost.
June 20, 2008 at 8:42 pm
Sorry, but “complicit in evil,” to me sounds like knowledge of and agreement with evil. When you have a man who supports allowing babies who survive abortion attempts to die, and who is doing so to pander to a constituency, that man is evil.
June 20, 2008 at 10:04 pm
By “Obama is evil” do you mean that he can not receive God’s redemption?
June 20, 2008 at 10:41 pm
anon, don’t go off on a tangental side road here. Focus. Everyone knows people choose evil. Let’s not get weighted down. The question at hand is what do you think you tell young ‘uns about abortion.
June 20, 2008 at 11:17 pm
I have two little ones at home. I haven’t explained anything of this to them although they know we don’t like Hillary or Obama. (Not that we’re too crazy about McLame) I’d be interested to hear what other Mom’s have to say about when the right time to talk about this is.
June 21, 2008 at 2:03 pm
“What do you think you tell young ‘uns about abortion.”
Tell them the truth.
When my oldest daughter was in 2nd grade we went through a survey course on American history. That course initiated discussions on a vast array of issues: war, slavery, abortion, etc…. The same course inspired similar discussions with my second daughter a couple of years later. Now 13 and 11, they’re very aware of the suffering of others and the reality of injustice.
I’m with anonymous on making clear the distinction between a person’s actions being evil and that person being evil. It’s an important distinction.
Bob Hunt
June 21, 2008 at 5:04 pm
Wife of Bob here. I’d like to add something here if I may. Unless you’re willing to begin a long complicated discourse on the reasons why people choose the positions they do (a few examples: political motivation, money, power, a leg up on the other guy, being born into privilege and calling in your chips because you feel you deserve your good fortune a la George Bush), then you might weigh your words around the house with your 2nd grader. Adult words and opinions voiced through the mouthpiece of a 2nd grader to other adults can be explosive weapons because the children speaking the words don’t have the sophistication or the understanding of what is going on with these issues. Sometimes their parents don’t either. In a child’s mind they know what Daddy or Mommy told them and Daddy and Mommy are right. Second graders see moral issues in terms of black and white and when they hear their parents ranting and raving about whatever the topic, they often repeat what they hear and they WILL do it in front of an audience where you least expect it in front of people who might not appreciate what that child has to say. I have suffered through this situation and am offering the fruits of my pain to you in hopes you will take heed 🙂
I’ve seen the children of other very other earnest and honorable people do this and it makes me cringe. You often see the lack of charity with which some parents teach their kids rather than hear something that is convincing or helpful. To me laying the heavy on kids isn’t serving anyone’s best interests. Again, I’ve learned this lesson the hard way and I’m hoping that others will learn from my mistakes.
Do children really need to hear that one candidate or another is “evil”? As hot under the collar you may get over one political position or another, will your child remember your anger and disgust for a particular person? Will they actually be able to form their young consciences based on what you have said to them or will they be hearing something you didn’t intend to say through your actions?
Like it or not children will eventually challenge the adults in their lives on the hard and fast positions they take and they will also pick up on any smugness or sanctimoniousness exhibited expressing those beliefs.
That being said, I’m all for keeping it basic when dealing with younger children including the issue of abortion: there is legitimate right and wrong in the world, people have differing opinions on certain issues despite what we know to be true about what is best for us as taught through the Church and scripture, and we need to do all we can to support efforts that encourage people to act in ways that people made in the image and likeness of God should. I’d be honest about what abortion is, but give the child a chance to do something concrete about helping a mom/baby make the life-giving choice (taking baby clothes/supplies to a crisis pregnancy center, praying for families, whatever positive thing you can think of that would be helpful in your situation and in your town).
Good luck to you…parenting is tough, isn’t it?
June 21, 2008 at 10:04 pm
Wife of Bob- I sympathise with what you are saying. Specifically with the idea that along with teaching the “facts” there is an enormous amount of charity that has to go along with them. The concern for charity will not, nevertheless, preclude my wife and I from teaching our daughters the stuff we believe they should know. It just makes the whole thing slightly more “challenging”.
Additionally, it is my experience that today’s children become acquianted with issues such as abortion a awful lot earlier than my wife and I did. And to me this is one of the big issues of the modern world. Children are impacted by extremely difficult moral issues well before they have had the chance to have their conscience properly formed. As a result parenting becomes more difficult to the extent that they have to become knowledgeable and responsible human beings a lot quicker than any other generation before.
June 23, 2008 at 9:13 pm
I’m going to tell you how we did it, but I think that you and your wife need to pray about this together and let the Holy Spirit explain this horrible thing through you. Let the Spirit put the words in your mouth.
We don’t shop at certain chain stores and buy certain products because the companies give money to Planned Parenthood. When my 7 year old asked if we could go to one of those stores, I explained to him that the company gives money to a group of doctors that kills babies in their mommies’ tummies. I explained to him that sometimes when a lady finds out that she’s pregnant, she is very scared and she’s not sure about what she wants to do. Sometimes she’s afraid that no one will help her when the baby comes. So she feels that the only thing she can do to stop being scared is to have what’s called an abortion when a doctor will kill the baby when he’s till in the mom’s tummy. I told him that the doctor doesn’t think that he baby is a person yet and that sometimes the mom doesn’t either. I emphasized to my son that we need to pray for those moms who are scared because they are making bad choice because they are scared. I emphasized that those moms are usually very sad about what they chose and that they need us to love them them very much and they need us to pray for them. I told him we need to pray for the babies who died and for the doctors who do the operations too. I told him that Jesus loves the moms, the babies, and the doctors. It seemed to be something he understood.
June 24, 2008 at 7:19 pm
Amy,
Excellent advice. I know this is an older post, but if anyone is still reading, I’ll add my two cents. We haven’t been outside the abortion clinic with our kids, but we have participated in a few life chains. We get the signs that say “Adoption: The Loving Option”. Our boys are adopted, and I think at ages 5, 6, and 7 they are beginning to understand what that really means. We told them that we were there to encourage other women who were going to have babies to let them be adopted if they weren’t able to take care of them. And also to encourage other people who wanted more babies to adopt some of those kids who need forever families. In other words, we haven’t really talked about abortion at all, only the alternative. We’ll probably have to go a little further with this discussion before we participate in any such activities this year, as the oldest will be reading well enough to ask more questions by now.