When I heard the report at the end of last week that Pope Benedict has asked the Congregation for Divine Worship to study some potential changes to the liturgy, I got very excited. Think about all the possibilities! Think about what the Mass could be, rather than what it often is. The abuses and experiments, gone! The tawdry celebration of self, gone! Latin back in its proper place! Gregorian Chant! The priest’s magnificent back on glorious display!
The more I thought about it the more excited I became and the more I started wondering how would such a change be successfully introduced to the faithful? How could we not only have the faithful accept the changes to the mass, but actually desire them? To want them, need them, can’t live without them?!?
Then like a light bulb, I realized there is no need to re-invent the light bulb. We should use some tried and true methods that have proved their effectiveness over generations. We should use some ol’ fashioned marketing techniques to sell the new New Mass to the masses!
Now I know what you are thinking. “Patrick, we have no idea what the new New Mass of the masses will look like or even if there will be a new New Mass.” I say, don’t bother me with such minutiae. We need to build anticipation, we need to build hype, we need to build overwhelming demand! Therefore, let’s move full steam ahead with some advance marketing!
First, we need a good product name. Fortunately, I took care of that for them the other day when I dubbed the new New Mass, Novus Ordo 2.0. I know, I know. Stroke of genius that.
But now we need a marketing campaign sell the Novus Ordo 2.0. As you know, any good marketing plan starts with good packaging. So I decided that I should to help ante-deluvian dolts in the Vatican marketing department out. Therefore I have issued, motu proprio, the first great marketing campaign of the “Reform of the Reform” era. I give you Papa Ben’s Novus Ordo 2.0!
This idea is a surefire winner, don’t you think? Well, I have to go now, the Pope should be calling any minute.
July 7, 2008 at 2:12 am
You really earned the Title of your blog today! So creative, I would have thought you were a liberal… 🙂
If you had a donation button, I would have made an offering.
By the way, that beer offer just got upgraded to an18 year-old bottle of scotch.
You are one funny dude – dude!
Cheers!
July 7, 2008 at 2:29 am
hillarious!
July 7, 2008 at 2:36 am
You absolutely MUST edit it and find a way to stick in the late night infomercial guy Billy Mays.
Top notch.
God Bless,
Ryan
July 7, 2008 at 4:01 am
I’d like to order a full case for my pastor today.
July 7, 2008 at 4:57 am
Applause.
Awesome! And besides it contains no nuts!
July 7, 2008 at 6:07 am
Brilliant! Just brilliant. I don’t know how you guys come up with this stuff. 50 percent less Bugnini! Funny.
July 7, 2008 at 6:27 am
But, is it eco-friendly? Any carbon credits to speak of, and do they count toward a temporal remission of emissions?
July 7, 2008 at 9:25 am
Hilarious!
July 7, 2008 at 11:51 am
Bravo!! You continue to outdo yourself.
July 7, 2008 at 11:54 am
I love it!!!!!
July 7, 2008 at 12:23 pm
The 800 number is a stroke of genius
July 7, 2008 at 3:11 pm
You forgot “full of awesome,” which is what this whole post is.
July 7, 2008 at 3:12 pm
“consult a liturgist”
What are you crazy? Never even make eye contact with a liturgist! They can steal your soul!
July 7, 2008 at 4:08 pm
This might be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen….
“50% Less Bugnini”
I Love It!
July 7, 2008 at 7:44 pm
That is wonderful!
July 7, 2008 at 8:39 pm
Can we send a case of the stuff over to the editors of America Magazine?
July 7, 2008 at 9:16 pm
“Say the black. Do the red.” Does anyone under 60 know what that means?
July 7, 2008 at 10:34 pm
Nan,
Probably. Fr. Z has brought the phrase to the forefront, and it’s not uncommon to hear it among theology students/liturgy buffs/seminarians.
July 8, 2008 at 12:53 am
Alexandra-
q) Do you know the difference between a liturgist and a terrorist?
a) You can negotiate with a terrorist.
July 8, 2008 at 6:37 am
Only 50% less Bugnini? I’d rather not have my Roman Missal even manufactured on the same equipment used to make products containing Bugnini…
~cmpt