Sitting in my pew for a few minutes as the Priest gives out Communion to the 137 extraordinary ministers, readers in shorts and sandals, and altar girls I often have some time to reflect before the priest gets around giving out Communion to the rest of us.
Sometimes I even reflect upon the concept of “the rest of us.” It really means all of us, every last dang one of us. Occasionally, the thought has popped into my head, I wonder if ALL these people have gone to confession? I mean when I go to confession, held once a week for 45 minutes, the lines are just not that long. How is it that all these people are prepared to receive Our Lord in the Eucharist?
Well, as we all know, many of them are not but they go anyway. A good deal of the fault with this lays squarely on the offending receiver, but I can’t help wonder if we are all collectively guilty to some degree. These days, there is almost a culturally enforced mandate to go up and receive, prepared or not. I have written before (See The Case for Chaos) that I think that usher enforced orderly communion is partly to blame. However catechesis, personal responsibility, a mind your own business mentality (namely don’t give the person next to you the once over if they choose not to receive) and a well formed conscience are also critical elements.
With all this as the background, I was moved by a story relayed by Fr. Ray Blake pastor of St. Mary Magdalen in Brighton UK. Fr. tells us of a man, who is in an unfortunate irregular situation, who attends the TLM because as he says “…because I don’t feel forced to come to Holy Communion.” Out of respect for the Eucharist, he will not receive unless properly prepared. Fr. Ray relays some details followed by some comments.
“I come to Mass every Sunday,” he said, “I am living with “M”, she is divorced. Most Lents we have determined to live as brother and sister, sometimes it works and I go off to Confession, receive absolution and receive Communion, normally a few weeks after Easter our resolution breaks down. The last couple of years we haven’t got very far, so I haven’t been to Holy Communion for three years. I want to come, of course I do, but I know I know what Jesus said about the permanence of marriage and marriage to divorcee. It would be hypocritical to receive Him and not live by His teaching.”
I of course suggested looking at an annulment, he said he had tried that but “M” just couldn’t bring herself to go through the procedure.
I was so impressed by this man, so impressed by his extraordinary love for the Blessed Sacrament, impressed by his honesty and the heroism of his Christian life.
For certain, the man and the woman should do what is right and at least attempt to fix the situation if it possible and refrain from any further sin. But it does my heart good to see a man honest enough with himself and respectful enough of the Eucharist not to receive. Thanks for Father Blake for sharing this.
There was a time in my life many years ago in my early twenties when I was not properly prepared for communion. Unfortunately, I would just avoid mass altogether so as to avoid the embarrassment of not receiving. I cringe now when I think of it. I think that this fear of embarrassment kept me away a lot longer than I otherwise would have.
The culture of “everyone goes” is detrimental to the faith, especially to those in most need of reconciliation. We should do what we can to eliminate this phenomenon. Again, I say let’s start with dumping orderly communion.
September 24, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Here’s another thing. I once read an article by a Salesian priest in India that suggested that the priest receive communion last of all, to emphasise the idea of service. People first, priest last. In light of this, your post suggested to me ordinary people first, people in the shorts and sash second, priest last.
September 24, 2008 at 1:14 pm
Sadly, I believe that most folks in the pews have forgotten where they “need to be” spiritually in order to receive. Most of them have forgotten that they shouldn’t eat an hour before Communion, much less those sins committed, oh, days ago. Our clergy need to remind all of us, frequently, that our sins should be forgiven before we partake in the Eucharist.
September 24, 2008 at 1:49 pm
The roommate of “M” is not far from the kingdom of heaven.
September 24, 2008 at 2:46 pm
I think that we have gotten to the point where it is practically scandal NOT to go up and receive. If I ate a cracker 10 minutes before mass (for example), the scene that ensues: the usher gesturing for me to get up, the other people in my aisle awkwardly stepping over me, the concerned look from my wife, all the people returning to their seats seeing my lone head in a sea of empty pews… Part of me would rather let the people think that I am a saintly Catholic than that I must’ve done something horrible to not get up and receive with 99% of the parish.
September 24, 2008 at 2:47 pm
I hope someday that that person and his companion can one day be fully reunited– but until then, I commend them, as beautiful examples of sinners (like all of us!) striving to do what is right.
I think everyone here does feel like they just go up and receive Communion, almost like if you go to Mass and don’t receive, you didn’t get your money’s worth (or time’s worth, as this case may be). But this attitude doesn’t exist everywhere. I observed Masses in Russia, Poland, and Bolivia where a lot of people stayed in the pews. One young woman I met in St. Petersburg made her way every day to one of only two Catholic churches in the city, and she did not live close, but she didn’t receive every time. It was very moving and interesting.
~Nzie
September 24, 2008 at 4:44 pm
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September 24, 2008 at 4:45 pm
What is the head of MI-6 doing living with some Catholic in America?
My mind is blown.
All joking aside, it seems to me, that this man is putting his love for a woman above his love of God. He constantly is putting himself in the near occasion of sin by living with this woman. Sure, he is honest enough with himself to not receive, but that just means that he acknowledges his faith as being subordinate to other desires. The honesty is refreshing, but otherwise I must say that the story is rather depressing. I am not sure that he is a good example for anything, because he corollary behavior undermines any moral point.
That being said, I get your point and agree.
September 24, 2008 at 6:31 pm
I commend that man. There are so many times when I know I shouldn’t receive Communion that day and I do anyway because of the social pressure.
I’m with Patrick. No more orderly Communion. I want the European free-for-all. There is no concept of lines, people just rush to Communion. I went to an Easter Vigil mass in Krakow, Poland where I couldn’t even get to Communion because of the mobs and several old ladies pushing me and glaring at me (this added to the fact that I had fairly severe claustrophobia at the time).
But about that man living in sin and putting his love for that woman above his love of God. That may be true, but how many times in one day do I do the same thing? How many times do I place my love of other things above my love for God? Just this Monday I decided to stay home and watch all three hours of Heroes on NBC instead of praying a Holy Hour. The difference is that that man’s sin can be seen publicly and I have the ability to hide mine. He values the faith enough to stand up for its precepts and not give in to social pressures, and that has to be gaining him many graces. I don’t find his story depressing, I find it as a wake-up call for me to get my act together.
September 24, 2008 at 6:49 pm
“But about that man living in sin and putting his love for that woman above his love of God. That may be true, but how many times in one day do I do the same thing?”
I’m not so sure it’s as simple as this man putting his love for the woman above that of God. Yes, he is living with her. But it is clear that he does NOT see this arrangement as a convenience for the benefits of the marital state. Yet he endures the challenges of living with that woman, most of the time (for all we know) without its rewards. Walking away from it may not be as easy as it looks to us, and those reasons may be more out of consideration to the other party than to himself. I’m not nominating him for sainthood. Nor am I excusing the OBJECTIVE nature of his situation. But a man who knows his sinfulness, and who bows his head begging for the Divine Mercy, will surely enter heaven before the respectable Catholic husband and father who got a vasectomy without telling the world about it, occasionally cheats on his wife, and still gets honored by the Knights of Columbus as “Family Man of the Year.”
It could happen. In one of the parables, it did.
September 24, 2008 at 7:49 pm
I’d agree- give ushers the pink slip. A friend of mine studied abroad in Mexico and noted that less than half the congregation came forward to receive. It made her really think about whether she was going to receive Jesus because she was prepared or because it was a habit.
I’m not sure when the usher practice started, but it seems like an attempt to make everything nice and orderly- very American, yes? Like suburbia, but during Mass. Somehow it doesn’t quite fit.
Another pet peeve: people who sit (rather than kneel) after receiving, and while the alter is still home to the Body and Blood of our Lord. Gah.
September 24, 2008 at 10:11 pm
Maggie: “Another pet peeve: people who sit (rather than kneel) after receiving, and while the alter is still home to the Body and Blood of our Lord. Gah.”
The rubrics call for either kneeling or sitting (at least in the USA). You’ll find many parishes have a custom of waiting for a certain point, but this doesn’t matter a whit. Rubrics trump custom always.
I’ve seen guides in the past (for extraordinary form mass) state that it’s only proper to sit after the second ablution. These days, many of the churches that have a pious custom of everyone sitting back at the same time do so at the close of the tabernacle — well before our Lord is completely corporeally removed from the altar (at the end of the sacred vessel cleansing).
That, and some people don’t kneel because they have bad knees. One shouldn’t assume irreverence in matters such as these, is all I’m saying.
September 24, 2008 at 10:13 pm
I guess I’m really taken aback by all the talk of receiving communion under “peer pressure”. This should be one of the most holy and intimate moment in our spiritual existence. If we are going to be swayed by “peer pressure” on THIS of all issues, what does that say about our ability to be swayed on lesser ones? Honestly, I found this a little disturbing.
Regarding the article, I found it odd that one of the characters in question states “”M” just couldn’t bring herself to go through the procedure” regarding annulment. I haven’t personally gone through one (thank God) but I know MANY people who have. In the worst of cases, the bishop in questionn rubber stamps it like a fast-track line moving through customs at an airport. In the best of cases, it makes the petitioner examine why he/she came to this conclusion (i.e. that the marriage never really existed) and is thus asking the church to acknowledge this. I have never met or known ANYONE who was either a) rejected during the procedure or b) emotionally damaged or scarred after having gone through it. So, if this article is based on a real life example, it doesn’t seem at all accurate.
September 24, 2008 at 10:44 pm
As someone who frequently finds himself in a state that makes me unable to receive Communion, I can say that once you have the courage to stay in the pew once it gets easier after that. Wherever I’ve gone to Mass, if I don’t receive Communion I always see others scattered around the church who also don’t. In a way it kind of makes me feel good because I see that there are other people who take the Eucharist seriously.
P.S. I find the easiest thing to do when not receiving communion is to stake out a spot at the end of a pew so you can just step out and let everyone by instead of having them climb over you.
September 24, 2008 at 11:55 pm
I grew up in what I believe (now) was a liberal parish and had very poor catechism and my one parent who was Catholic didn’t teach me much (relying as she did on the CCD class where we learned little about the Catholic faith but certainly learned to sing folk songs – and CCD ended after 8th grade – with no high school religious class at all – and at the time the Catholic high school didn’t require Religion as a class). No criticism of my Mother intended. We did go to confession once a month throughout my childhood years so perhaps it wasn’t thought to be an issue from her perspective – if we were going to confession frequently then we were in a proper state to receive. Then the parish went to the “Lent” and “Advent” reconciliation services – and got rid of the “box” and instituted face to face confession at limited times and so that’s what my Mom then felt was what we were supposed to do – the parish reconciliateion services. It frankly is only in reading various Catholic blogs that I had any real idea about the state of mind needed to receive communion – and the Church’s teaching on this. So, I suspect that many of the Catholics who receive every week may really not be aware of their responsibilities in being properly prepared to receive. That is probably not an adequate excuse, but is probably the fact with many.
September 25, 2008 at 12:23 am
The priest is supposed to receive first according to the rubrics of the Mass..but that’s not the point of my comment
According to what I was reading at Fr. Blake’s blog the woman doesn’t want to through the annulment process
It’s refreshing to see someone following the Canon Law on this situation. I know of many that don’t.
There’s probably much more to this situation than was written.
September 25, 2008 at 12:25 am
“I haven’t personally gone through [an annulment] but I know MANY people who have…”
Not THAT many.
You suggest that in some cases they are automatic. That is simply absurd. Nothing that takes six to eighteen months could possibly be considered “automatic,” regardless of the outcome. You claim never to have known anyone rejected by a tribunal. That is because a pastor or canonist will generally discourage a case from going through if there is no apparent merit in advance. The reaction of people to the process runs the gambit. Some find it relatively painless, while others find it very humiliating. Often it depends on the diocese, or the people hearing the case.
As a practicing Catholic who is himself divorced, through no choice of his own, I can assure you that the story of “M” is believable. I could tell you many stories of lives of quiet desperation. You have no idea what it is to try to get on with your life, when your life is taken from you.
September 25, 2008 at 12:27 am
“There’s probably much more to this situation than was written.”
You can count on it.
September 25, 2008 at 2:59 am
Brian Walden is right – the first time you stay in your pew is difficult, but it gets much easier after that. Sometimes I go from work to noon Mass. Mostly I remember to stop drinking my coffee an hour ahead of time, but sometimes I forget. Used to be I wouldn't go to Mass when I forgot. But then it occurred to me that there might be spiritual benefits to 'hearing Mass' (as they said in the old days) even if I didn't receive. By gosh & by golly there certainly were/are spiritual benefits. Sure a few people looked at me as an oddity (or so I imagined), but I offered it up, especially for others in difficult situations where they cannot receive. JSouth
September 25, 2008 at 3:23 am
While some priests frown on the recent custom of allowing people to come forth for a blessing at Communion, my current pastor announces at every Mass that anyone who is not receiving communion is welcome to do so, and should simply fold his arms across his chest to indicate that he is not receiving. I think this is a good pastoral response (though I don’t know about its official status) to the problem of people feeling pressured to come forth. No one behind you can tell if you are receiving Communion or a blessing, so the “peer pressure” factor is completely removed.
That said, I just wanted to address the notion of “properly disposed.” What is required is simply that the person be in the state of grace, that is, not aware of having committed any mortal sins since their last good confession, and should have the intention of receiving Jesus in Communion. I say this only because some scrupulous souls will sometimes absent themselves from Holy Communion for such minor sins as raising their voices to their children in anger or frustration or failing to say some of their daily prayers during the week–but as far as I know the Church doesn’t generally recommend that we stay away from Communion because of venial sins, and discourages scrupulosity in this as in other areas.
September 25, 2008 at 4:35 am
I’m happy to see a post about this. I think priests are often guilty of not properly teaching the faithful. A few months ago, I committed a mortal sin. Out of anger, I intentionally missed confession for a month—another whammy. When I finally made it to confession, I wasn’t surprised to be 1 of 3 people waiting in line. What did surprise me was Father’s response to my confession of why I didn’t recieve the Eucharist for a month. He actually told me not to stress over these things too much, remember that Jesus loves me, and not to avoid the Eucharist. I know the difference between venial and mortal sin–I wasn’t there to confess eating my son’s Snicker bar. I left, honestly, not knowing if I was actually absolved or not. I can only pray that my confession was worthy.
Maybe I’m just weird, but I actually cry when I recieve the Eucharist. I can’t even explain it, the awe of it all.
But here’s what I don’t get—last Sunday, Father ran out of Hosts and there were 40 people left standing in line. NOT ONE PERSON stopped to recieve Christ in His Precious Blood. We took the opportunity to remind our children that Christ is fully present in both species. I honestly believe that many Catholics, both young and old, just get in the Communion line because it’s the “thing to do” and they don’t even know what they are actually doing. Sad and poor catechesis on the parishes part….