There have been numerous nightmare scenarios written should either one of the candidate’s in this year’s presidential election actually win. Some have even spoken of riots should Obama lose. But nobody has taken into account the specter of the of the…Weeny Whiny Liberal Riot!
This is CMR’s view of what might just happen if McCain wins:
Shortly after Fox News, ABC, and CBS all declare John McCain the President-elect, the sound of martini glasses and champagne bottles being dropped all over the East coast signals the beginnings of a long and dangerous night.
The riots come from unsuspected areas, not from urban areas at all but urbane settings like Manhattan, Lose Angeles, and Ann Arbor Michigan.
Dozens of rioters in loafers and tweed coats stumble off their college campuses in Ann Arbor, Michigan and begin heaving granola bars at passing SUV’s. This “mob” will angrily attempt to turn over a parked SUV but their little flabby arms will hardly hardly budge the behemoth automobile so they turn over a Segway locked to a tree nearby until one of the rioters says, “Hey that’s mine” and threatens a lawsuit causing the rioters to scatter.
News anchors on television moan that the election was stolen from them which is actually something they do every four years so no surprise there. NBC is unable to call the race because Keith Olbermann locked himself in a room with all the cameras.
And in the heart of Manhattan a group of conservative columnists including David Frum, Peggy Noonan, Kathleen Parker and Christopher Buckley step out blinking into the street. They are unsettled and after arguing amongst themselves they decide that instead of tossing Molotov cocktails they’ll heave Shrimp cocktails at middle class houses yelling “Bourgeois sc%m!” only to be disappointed to discover that Shrimp cocktails aren’t flammable. Instead, Peggy Noonan heaves her Apple-tini at a McCain road sign with little effect.
Cadres of celebrities in California drag Tiny Fey from her NBC studio and burn her at the stake because they’re afraid of the real Sarah Palin.
The celebrities soon decide to pull drivers out of any passing pick-up-truck to beat them but their hybrids are sadly unable catch up to any trucks before their car runs out of its electric charge and they’re forced to pull over and call Ed Begley Jr. for a charge.
National Guard troops are called out to protect Starbucks which have been especially hard hit by thirsty looters.
A number of rioters showed up to egg Joe the Plumber’s house but when he comes to his door and stares them down, they back off and apologize, picking up their eggs as they leave.
In a televised plea for calm, Bill and Hillary Clinton’s beg liberals to calm down but unfortunately the two can’t stop giggling long enough to get their message out.
October 23, 2008 at 3:52 am
Be afraid, be very afraid!
October 23, 2008 at 4:20 am
LOL! Great description of Ann Arbor, BTW.
October 23, 2008 at 7:21 am
ahhhhhh, the Liberals are coming, the Liberals are coming.
October 23, 2008 at 12:47 pm
A squadron of Volvos is diving on my position now…
— Mack
October 23, 2008 at 2:47 pm
That description of Ann Arbor is enough to make any MSU fan laugh with glee, despite the innate free behind such prospects.
October 23, 2008 at 2:50 pm
I remember after the 2004 election, there was a study that showed liberals were going to therapists in one Florida town in record numbers. Let’s give these therapists more business.
Matt O
October 23, 2008 at 2:50 pm
The evolution of the Democrat Party:
1968 – “The Whole World’s Watching!”
2008 – “Why doesn’t anyone pay attention to MEEEEEEE?”
October 23, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Funny, my best friend and ideological soulmate (my brother, de facto, really) who is always right on the money regarding polls/electoral college breakdowns since the Nixon era (when I was a kid) told me last evening that he believes Mac will win, razor tight in the EC vote.
However, our wins in Ohio, Missouri, etc. will be challenged by the Obamunists….
Since we are Catholics here check out Luke’s gospel reading today, I think we can extrapolate from it…
BTW, great blog….
October 23, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Question: Why are police Depts. Preparing for riots anyway? I thought the election was over, voting was just a formality, and the inauguration was being moved up to Nov. 6, if the girant colder statue of Prima Porta Obama is fnished on time…..
October 23, 2008 at 5:37 pm
Err.. that was a “giant golden” statue… Sorry… too sick to comment coherently, I guess…
October 23, 2008 at 7:17 pm
Hey guys, all seriousness aside. If McCain wins (and I hope he does), the media and liberals are going to blame the Catholic Church. We’ll be in for a new round of “Nativism!”
October 23, 2008 at 7:49 pm
At first glance, I though the headline was about “White Liberal Rot”… heh!
October 23, 2008 at 11:50 pm
You had me at “Lose Angeles.” :)~
October 24, 2008 at 5:04 pm
I’m one Catholic who doesn’t care for the condoscending tone of some of these blog posts. Speak about the issues without making fun of people. I have liberal friends and they are good people who just happen to have different ideas than me. I think we should be the bigger people here and show that we can be respectful even though we disagree. Making fun of people only further divides us – and doesn’t necessarily make others want to join our church!
October 24, 2008 at 7:10 pm
Rachel,
God bless you, dear! You seem to have sprained your sense of humor. I’ll pray to St. Philip Neri for you. Now, go lie down and watch some old “Laugh-In” or “Smothers Brothers” tapes ’till you feel better, ‘kay?
Prayers!
October 26, 2008 at 2:13 am
Ha! Funny! You didn’t mention anything about the airports being mobbed by all those who promised to leave our country if they didn’t get their way.
I’m tempted to pull together a rag-tag marching band to play “Love Me or Leave Me.” We’ll make sure to give them all hot dogs and a slice of apple pie on their way to their flights. Traitors need to eat, y’know.
P.S. Rachel – I know decent liberals. The above is for all the extreme moonbats who would love nothing more than to see our churches disappear, homeschoolers jailed, their kids taken in by a nice same-sex couple, and *free* healthcare for everyone but the middle-class.