Forty years ago, many Catholics were shocked to find the Catholic Church invading their bedrooms with the promulgation of Humanae Vitae and all of its rules and regulations regarding sex. Now, just as people were kind of calming down about that and completely ignoring it, the Church has made a new attempt to tick everyone off with the publication of a new document with even more rules -this time for scientific laboratories.
In the document, Dignitas Personae, the Catholic Church is trying to force its own views on the brave new world of biotechnology, condemning the freezing of human embryos, genetic engineering, human cloning, animal/human genetic hybrids, and a number of other procedures described as affronts to human dignity.
Non-Catholics and Catholics alike are shocked and appalled to find the Church in laboratories.
“It’s bad enough that the Church is in my bedroom,” said one woman. “But now to find it in the lab is even more distressing. What room is next?”
Many people say it’s getting to be where no avenue of life is free from religion or ethics. Some actually fear that the Catholic Church may one day outline ethics rules for the workplace. “That won’t be good for business,” said one Catholic man, who said that although he doesn’t really go to Church per se, considers himself “pretty much very devout” and “definitely spiritual.”
One worried woman who used to be a Catholic said, “it’s getting that the Church wants to tell everyone how to act in like every situation. I mean sometimes I just need to be me. I mean like let me just do what I want, you know?”
Groups of activists are congregating outside churches across America today with signs saying, “Keep your rosaries off our laboratories.”
The group promised to come up with better slogans soon but explained that the document just came out today. “We’re thinking about going with something like ‘keep your theology off our technology’ but we’re not sure yet,” said one woman.
Said one Catholic who goes to Church on most Christmases: “Every time the Church acts all anti-science like this, it’s like Galileo is being beheaded all over again.”
December 15, 2008 at 8:19 pm
Great from start to finish, but “Keep your rosaries off our laboratories.” was particularly hilarious.
December 15, 2008 at 8:24 pm
Thanks Brian. I aim to make the end of the world as we know it as humorous as possible;)
December 15, 2008 at 9:26 pm
You win 1000 shiny new internets.
🙂
December 15, 2008 at 9:29 pm
Nice. 🙂
December 15, 2008 at 9:48 pm
The Vatican is giving Catholics a bad name. I bet Jesus is spinning in his grave.
December 15, 2008 at 10:13 pm
Jesus ascended into heaven, he is not in a grave!
December 15, 2008 at 10:15 pm
I think that was a joke that anon1 was making.
December 15, 2008 at 10:39 pm
Yeah, its just like what happened with Constantine when he founded the pagan roman church after killing Peter and the apostles.
December 16, 2008 at 3:58 am
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December 16, 2008 at 4:05 am
No name calling please.
December 16, 2008 at 5:32 am
This reminded me of Maureen Martin. I miss her.
December 16, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Amy,
What is she up to? I check out Maureen’s old blog sometimes looking for updates.
December 16, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Come on! No pig/rat/human hybrids? It’s getting to the point where you can’t commit crimes against God’s creation without somebody getting all bent out of shape.
December 16, 2008 at 8:26 pm
“what room is next?!” definitely made me laugh 🙂