So I took the kids out to the mall to shop for Mom two days before Christmas. I want them to know that Christmas is not just about receiving but giving as well.

Now let me ask a weird hypothetical. If I showed up at the Mall wearing only briefs and say my wife showed up in a minuscule bra and panties we’d likely be dragged from the premises and arrested. And rightly so, especially if you’ve seen me in briefs. But no matter what, it’s bad, right? So why is it OK for some of these stores to have huge window displays of essentially naked people. I mean, are these store owners out of their minds. Walking by Abercrombie or Victoria’s Secret is essentially a walking tour of porn for children. Hey kids step on up and peer inside the sick twisted mind of adulthood where we view others as vessels of flesh waiting to be boarded and devoured.

It’s lunacy.

So as we’re passing a bunch of sex-soaked stories, I do my best to distract the kids from the window display. I start singing a loud Christmas carol and they all become embarrassed by me and try to stop me from singing anymore. So for anybody who saw the fat bearded dad singing in front of a ten foot porn window display with children laughing and climbing all over him, it was me.

But here’s the thing. I know my kids saw it. They didn’t mention it. But I know they see it. They see it. They internalize it. They think that window display represents the realm of adulthood. They intuit that adults desire 8-pack abs and 38 D breasts. And kids want to be adults.

Here’s the truth. If a man was caught showing pictures of topless women in pink underwear holding their breasts or men in wet briefs, they’d be arrested. But when a store does it, it’s capitalism.

So a few hours later I’m making the call I never thought I’d make in my life. I call the mall two days before Christmas to complain about the lewd window displays. The funny thing is that while I’m on hold I’m feeling like I’m the crazy one. I’m feeling like “I can’t believe I’ve become the guy who complains about lewd window displays.” I didn’t think I’d ever use the word ‘lewd’ never mind call to complain about aforementioned lewdness. I’m feeling like I have to convince this guy on the phone that I’m not one of these crazy religious Jerry Falwell types. But then it hits me. I’m the sane one. Those displays are crazy to have in front of children. So instead of getting into a morality type conversation with the guy I just decide to speak his language. “I’m just calling to let you know that my family which comes to the mall often will not come back unless you guys stop allowing pornographic window displays.”

So I make the call and I’m feeling proud of myself. And I walk back into the room where the children are watching The Polar Express on ABC Family. And then comes a commercial about some show about a fifteen year old girl who is pregnant. “Fifteen!?” says my nine year old.

“How can you have a baby if you’re not married,” asks my six year old.

They all look at me. “Hey guys Polar Express is back on!” And thanks to my amazing powers of distraction I muddled through yet another awkward moment. But I know my kids. Nothing escapes them. Questions build. They never fade away.

And we wonder why are children are ending up sexualized. It’s simple. Somewhere between the Merry-go-Round and the pretzels they’re seeing and interpreting the adult world. They’re unprotected out there. The adults want too much to be like children and the children want to be adults. It’s time for adults to start acting like adults.