Since the truth of the formula “8 > 7” is a consensus opinion in the scientific community, we consider the case closed. Eight is better than seven. So, we are introducing a new feature called “CMR’s [Eight] Weekly Signs of Apocalypse. This will be a witty list of eight newsy non-sequiturs clearly indicative of our impending demise. This is much better than Jen’s list of a mere seven non-sequiturs. (See again “8 > 7”). Without further eloquence…
On par with the Earth spinning backwards, another unusual event foreshadows our imminent demise. The Vatican managed not to mess up a P.R. opportunity this week in handling the Nancy Pelosi visit. So it seems that the folks at the Vatican are capable. Perhaps in the past they just didn’t care.
Anoop got cut from American Idol. No justice, no peace. There’s still a wild card round, but in the meantime we will be preparing our protest signs and molotov cocktails.
As reported, an infant boy was married off to his neighbors’ dog in eastern India by villagers, who said it will stop the groom from being killed by wild animals. The dog was unavailable for comment. For his part, the boy has been heard to complain that he married one just like his mother.
What might you expect as clear sign of the approach of the Apocalypse? Oh, I don’t know … say a backwards flying green comet?!?!? A freakin’ green comet passes by the Earth and we are not worried?.
I’m sure the Mayans would’ve understood the deeper meaning but we, being much more erudite and educated just gaze with mouths agape and say “pretty.”.We at CMR do not know exactly what this portends, we just knows it’s not good.
The affable atheist Christopher Hitchens got the tar beat out of him by Muslim thugs. Oh wait… never mind.
Anyway, rumor has it that during the beating Hitchens screamed like a girl “Oh Jesus, O God! Help me! Oh crap!”
Iran has built up a stockpile of enough enriched uranium for one nuclear bomb, United Nations officials acknowledged on Thursday. Russia said it does not intend to toughen its policy toward Iran regarding its nuclear program, a senior Russian diplomat said Monday. Iran has said that Obama’s election proves that the U.S. has failed. They may be right.
The ABBA loving Czar of all the Russias, Vladimir Putin, is defending limits on Government intervention in the economy while our Dear Leader chairman MAObama sees everything as an unprecedented crisis requiring massive government intervention.
Putin further said “we must assess the real situation and write off all hopeless debts and ‘bad’ assets. True, this will be an extremely painful and unpleasant process. Far from everyone can accept such measures, fearing for their capitalization, bonuses, or reputation. However, we would ‘conserve’ and prolong the crisis, unless we clean up our balance sheets.” Even the commies understand this. We are so doomed.
5 … 4 … 3 … 2 … 1 …………………………….
If you’d like to add any signs of the apocalypse you are encouraged to write them in the combox. Eventually, one of you will be right.
Posted by Patrick & Matthew Archbold
February 20, 2009 at 3:40 am
#7 was the scariest.
February 20, 2009 at 12:10 pm
Guys,
9) Nancy Pelosi at the Vatican. ‘Nuff said!
February 20, 2009 at 12:26 pm
RE: #2 – Tatiana DIDN’T make it…maybe that’s a good sign:)
February 20, 2009 at 12:35 pm
The reason the Vatican used the right tactics with Nancy Pelosi is that they were completely forewarned and briefed on her abysmal record by Fr. Tom at Human Life International. There needs to be more of that. The Pope doesn’t know who half these people are that he meets, so help him out. The whole word isn’t the US. Not every well known American is known everywhere else.
Also, will you please watch your tone when mentioning “the Vatican” I know there are some evil types who have infiltrated there, but Christ is also there.
God bless you,
February 20, 2009 at 12:42 pm
10) When you are the last person in the neighborhood and you have bars on the inside of your windows. Meet the Omega Woman: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HuFBdjdhBVg
February 20, 2009 at 2:41 pm
I thought that comet was discovered by two independent observers, Dr. Bass and Dr. Ackwards?
February 20, 2009 at 3:24 pm
11) Fox News is reporting that military robots will one day turn on us.
February 20, 2009 at 3:58 pm
#7 has given me a goal to fulfill…I’m thinking handlebars connecting with the nose hairs…
February 20, 2009 at 4:04 pm
Here is #9 for you (no doubt you have already heard about it since I am typically lagging way behind on these things)
In 2029 an asteroid will pass closer to the Earth than our satellites orbit…
“On April 13, 2029, asteroid 2004 MN4 will fly past Earth only 18,600 miles (30,000 km) above the ground. For comparison, geosynchronous satellites orbit at 22,300 miles (36,000 km). “At closest approach, the asteroid will shine like a 3rd magnitude star, visible to the unaided eye from Africa, Europe and Asia–even through city lights,” says Jon Giorgini of JPL. This is rare. “Close approaches by objects as large as 2004 MN4 are currently thought to occur at 1000-year intervals, on average.”
http://science.nasa.gov/headlines/y2005/13may_2004mn4.htm
Hello? Between the Earth and our satellites? Wow!
February 20, 2009 at 5:19 pm
I sometimes think that the orbit of the moon is like a cosmic basketball hoop, and naughty galactic-scale kids dare each other to toss rocks to see who can get one in from the furthest distance. One of these days one of these brats is going to break something important…
Re: #5 – as unpleasant as Chris Hitchens can be, it’s uncool to treat his beating as a comedy bit, IMO. The man was cheesing off Nazis, thus showing more fighting spirit than an entire cohort of fellow lefties. Would that more people had his gumption! It’s easier to redirect virtues to their true ends than to spark them from scratch.
At least knows how to thumb the eye of evil. If he did, in fact, offer any sort of prayer to the true God in his distress, I hope it was answered in such a way to convert the man. When such a one as Hitchens puts his considerable gifts at the service of Christ, great things tend to happen.
February 20, 2009 at 5:52 pm
If he was really hurt we wouldn’t have made the joke.
I applaud him for his stance against thuggery. I too pray for his conversion.
February 20, 2009 at 7:42 pm
MATTHEW 24:30
Then the sign of the Son of Man will appear in the sky, …
Have a boo.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9idAkMEFaE
February 21, 2009 at 2:06 am
Now those ear hairs are impressive…
even got the attention of my boys as they were wandering by the computer…
February 21, 2009 at 3:37 pm
I’m wondering if Norelco has been in touch with #7 yet?
Adele – Chill out!! Obviously, the tone was in “jest and humor.” Learn to lighten up and laugh with the rest of us. It will do your soul some good. Life is far too short to go through being so uptight! I’m quite certain B16 has a sense of humor and would be laughing at some of the things on CMR! There was nothing posted that could be deemed “offensive” in any way. Geesh!
LarryD – You’re a riot.
Matthew – thanks for the laugh! Have a great weekend! 🙂 God bless!
February 21, 2009 at 3:42 pm
“I’m quite certain B16 has a sense of humor and would be laughing at some of the things on CMR!” – Tragically unhip Mom
What do you mean “some?”