President Obama has created a new oxymoron by promising to negotiate with “moderate Taliban.”
So as CMR wants to follow our fearful leader in all good things we are reporting this story using as many oxymorons as we can stuff in while still making some level of sense. See how many you can count:
CMR has a confirmed rumor that President Barack Obama is undertaking an unofficial policy of negotiating with Moderate Taliban and the more humane killers in Afghanistan.
This tactic, Obama said, is the most daring political maneuver in modern history but can only work with random precision by reversing backwards from the Bush years which the White House says were consistently inconsistent.
Obama is displeased that his negotiation decree became a well known secret but some believe the leak may have been a deliberate mistake.
Sources close to Obama said when they first came to the White House just moments after Bush’s Farewell Reception there was a massive hole of deeply shallow tactics but no overriding strategy from the Bush Administration. Sources said that Bush attempted tough love in Afghanistan but that hadn’t worked out terribly good.
Obama believes his strategy could prevent civil war in the country but even some Democrats are asking to be included out on this one and expressing doubt in this new strategy causing the White House to now have to worry about friendly fire from their side of the aisle.
The White House’s preliminary conclusions are that a less humane war would be the least favorite alternative. And many experts in the media have the objective opinion that Obama is correct.
Obama hopes that the olive branch could induce some Al Qaeda to climb down out of their cave to the negotiating table. But some have reported that Taliban forces have promised to deliver “holy hell” to America while promising to use anti-missile missiles should America attempt an air strike. “You won’t know when we’re coming. We’ll appear invisible and then we’ll be upon you,” said one Al Qaeda Assistant Supervisor.
When asked about the policy, Vice President Joe Biden said that he warned us to expect the unexpected with Obama but promised that America’s peacekeeping force would be the finest in modern history.
Obama, in a live recorded press conference, said that from here on out America would be fighting a more humane war as America is once again a member of the global village.
March 10, 2009 at 2:33 am
How about “Obama’s Against Cloning” …er…if by ‘against’ you mean ‘for‘.
God Bless,
Ryan
March 10, 2009 at 2:55 am
A-ha! Found one!
“Experts in the media”
March 10, 2009 at 3:58 am
That reads like a real MSM news story.
March 10, 2009 at 5:45 am
Ha ha , hahahahahah, haahahahahah
Hilarious, glad we have our humour:)!
March 10, 2009 at 7:29 am
I read about Obama’s plans in the Times a few days ago, and was likewise stricken by the blatant contradiction in terms.
March 10, 2009 at 12:59 pm
My mom and I counted 25. 😀 Nice work.
March 10, 2009 at 1:45 pm
practicing Catholic – Politician
March 10, 2009 at 3:22 pm
“America is once again a member of the global village.”
Of course, the global village is huddle of dirt-floored huts close by a muddy river, some mean scraggly trees, and beset on all sides with hungry wild creatures. It’s nobler that way!
Give me the shining city on a hill any old day – and hey, maybe the globe can join us up there, instead of insisting that we destroy that city just to make them feel better.
March 10, 2009 at 4:06 pm
Rick,
Ouch! Not to contradict, but my dad, father of eight, Opus Dei member, staunch pro-lifer is, in fact, a politician. It can be done, but it's not easy. Just sayin'. 🙂
~<3
March 10, 2009 at 5:57 pm
I’m sure you consulted military intelligence for many of these.