Last night the kids and I prayed before bed. Seeing the baby in the crib clasping her hands together and speaking gobbledeygook intentions is one of the cutest things ever.
And no matter how many times I try to slow my four year old down through the sign of the cross he still looks like he’s instructing Jesus to steal second base.
But we pray for lots of folks and lots of things. And as we’ve gone on, the list has grown longer. My kids like to add names to the list from school.
But tonight, my six year old requested that we remove one girl from the prayer list because the girl said she was no longer my daughter’s friend and she was mean to my daughter. I told her maybe now that little girl needed our prayers more than ever. This seemed to excite her and she clasped her hands tighter and scrunched her eyes.
After we went through the list of relatives and friends and public officials and I was about to turn out the light when my nine year asked if maybe she could get on the computer tomorrow and come up with a shorter list of people to pray for.
Why? I asked.
“Well,” she said, “I think we’re praying for so many people that are prayers are getting chopped up and spread out too much.”
No, I said. It doesn’t work like that.
The seven year old interrupted, suggesting we could switch off nights praying for different people each night that way they’d be more effective. (I’m paraphrasing her because it took her like 800 words to get across that sentiment and I don’t want to put you through that ordeal)
My six year old said, “But let’s remember to pray for (my friend) because I want to be able to tell her I prayed for her even though she was mean to me.”
I turned the light out and told them we all needed to talk tomorrow. And we will. I just have no idea where to start.
May 23, 2009 at 4:51 pm
Thanks for sharing. I used to organize a group prayer before everyone sleeps – kind of a round-robin where everyone chimes in. Long story short, I just left it up to them. Because of what you wrote, I realize the importance of prayers more than blogging.
FYI, the round-robin way that we use follows the A-C-T-S formula. I start of with Praise God for ___
then everyone repeats the phrase and fills the blank. Then there’s Thank you God for ___, I’m sorry God for ___, and Please God, do ____.
May 23, 2009 at 8:57 pm
It doesn't matter where you start or how you do it, the fact that they're praying with their father puts them heads & shoulders beyond 98% of the kids in this country. Way to go!
May 23, 2009 at 10:24 pm
Matthew,
This is really beautiful, and I hope you are able to keep it up one way or another, year after year.
When I was a kid, the day came when I found our nightly family rosary very onerous, since it seemed to go on forever. And this led to resentment, and etc.
So my rule of thumb as a parent was that all prayers be brief. For years we said only the Hail Holy Queen, and then the Shield of St. Patrick for years after that, followed by a group hug, a good night kiss and off to bed you go. The kids, now 29 and 31 yrs have kept the faith.
Well, there are undoubtedly many ways “to do it right” and every father- if he seeks it- has wisdom for his own family.
Congratulations on your beautiful children and the way you are bringing them up!
May 24, 2009 at 1:14 am
This is an all time hard decision for us, and I am glad to get some input here.
Both my husband and I are so exhausted by the time 7:30 rolls around, that we both almost dread the prayer and bed time routine…. hearing that others keep it brief but sweet is an encouragement.
I have never heard of the Shield of St. Patrick. Just googled it, and it is beautiful. Certainly a good alternative.
Thanks! And have a blessed Memorial Day weekend,
Mum26
May 24, 2009 at 6:36 am
I collect old prayer cards. I figure if a prayer card is floating around 50 or more years after someone’s death they may need someone to pray for them. I also “adopt” them out to folks so if you wish to adopt someone just email me and I will mail the card to you (adrienne at icehouse dot net)
Anyway (not to remind you too much of your 6 year old), when the collection grew so huge I had to do something to lighten the prayer time, I put them in a bowl and they live on my prayer table. Hence they have come to be known as the “Bowl People” and they are prayed for as a group (’cause God knows who they are, right?)
So……..maybe you could start a prayer bowl for the kids and they could write the names of people on slips of paper (maybe even decorate them – the paper not the people), and they could pray for everyone in the bowl.
Ok – I do sound just like a six year old – ramble, ramble, ramble…heh
May 24, 2009 at 4:44 pm
Mum26-
Depending on the ages of your kidlets, you can always adapt prayer time to meet their attention span. The important thing is that you PRAY with them. God so loves to see a family gathered, focusing (just a little bit!) on Him!
We have 9 children- from 17 years to 17 months old, and we gather every night for night prayers. First we do a round-robin of what we are THANKFUL for, then we do a round robin of a petition. Then, just a decade of the rosary (the kids each lead one Hail Mary… sometimes we use the baby’s toes to count and call it a “toes-ary.” Then we finish up with a moment of quiet examination of conscience. I tell the kids the morning offering and the examination of conscience are the “bookends” of our day. I had been worried, at first, that this practice of “reviewing the day” would turn into a unending feud of recriminations and reviewing the injustices done to each child by another, but the children have pleasantly surprised us- they really do offer heartfelt apologies for being rude or mean or dismissive of each other AND they thank siblings for the good they did that day. Its been good for their dad and I, too. Some nights WE have to apologize for being distracted or short with THEM, and it gives us a chance to say “thank you” for a job well done or some other random bit of thoughtfulness. Truly, moments of grace.
Good stuff. Don’t let the flesh and the devil try to dissuade you that family prayer time is too much work!
May 24, 2009 at 5:47 pm
Mum26-
One thing I should say about our very brief prayer time is that it was preceded by 1/2 hr of The Chronicles of Narnia ( and other good reading), 1/2 hr of the life of a saint (usually a chapter or two from a full length bio), and after age 4 about fifteen minutes of catechism. Although I was putting in twelve hrs a day at work, I lived for this time with our kids. It was a total blast. Since the imaginations of my children were filled with prayerful and holy people, following all this with prayer was the most natural thing in the world.
However (of course, I do not know your sitation at all, but the following would be very typical) spending an evening watching TV together, then switching it off and trying to have prayer time together would be an enormous psychological and spiritual wrench for everyone. Television vs the prayerful, peaceful, Catholic family. Oil and water.
May 24, 2009 at 7:04 pm
All,
You all offer inspiration to me that I thought wasn’t possible. Though I have no children (nor married), I already pray each evening but your comments have emboldened me more to a more thoughtful prayer life. In addition I’ll keep many of these ideas deep in my memory banks for if the time comes for me to lead my little family in prayer as well (God willing)!
May 24, 2009 at 10:31 pm
I am comforted by reading this post and especially the comments. To know that these families are the future and that they are embracing Life and cultivating it brings me great hope for the Faith. Lee, I especially loved your comments about the prep time before prayer….that is certainly a valid point. And to echo Tito’s sentiment, it has given me impetus to examine my own prayer life. For if I do not have a solid one now, it will be that much harder if I’m ever blessed with my own family someday.
May 24, 2009 at 10:59 pm
Excellent post and excellent comments!
My five-year-old daughter loves prayer time, so we go through formal prayers, ask various saints to pray for us(she also like learning about them with her current favorite being Maria Goretti), and then pray for various intentions. She was confused when we started to pray for our new president and asked “why do we pray for Barack Obama when he thinks it’s okay to kill babies before they’re born?” Of course, that’s one of the main reasons we pray for him.
My three-year-old son is not much into prayers (or mass for that matter), but he’ll say an Our father with me. For now that’ll have to do.
My six-month-old sometimes joins her sister, but usually gets her prayers while I’m feeding her before bedtime.
May 24, 2009 at 11:35 pm
Thank you everyone for your suggestions. They are a true encouragement and an inspiration. I particularly like the good reading before prayers.
We do not watch TV. If my kids watch an hour a week that is a lot. Their ages are 11, 10, 7, 6, 3 and 10 months. The commotion on some days is unreal compounded by my husband’s need of quiet at the end of a work day (his job is very “brainy”). I consider myself more of a contemplative, and on some days while it gives my vocation gives me joy the busyness of my days weighs heavy…..
I will discuss the suggestions with my husband and then see if we can come up with our own version. And then actually stick to it :-))
Thanks again and GOD bless,
Mum26
May 26, 2009 at 2:17 pm
For our 6-yr-old: mom sings a hymn (Away in a Manger or What child is this, then a shared prayer, then God Bless: Mummy, Daddy, all my friends and family, esp…your list here (Grandma and Babci always feature in this list). Just long engough to focus, but not too long, or she’ll start to fade.
May 26, 2009 at 6:23 pm
Matt – I daresay the Spirit knows the language your baby girl speaks, and honors those intentions.
Keep fathering, my brother, and God bless you.
May 29, 2009 at 8:41 pm
Matt,
Was at a party in Havertown and this SID was telling a story of picking up his son from school at SPX. His boy gets in the back seat and asks him to turn off the radio. He says “why”? Son replies he wanted to get in a decade of the rosary before they got home. Still cracking up.