I have unilaterally decided (meaning I didn’t ask Matthew and there is nothing he can do to stop me) to add a new feature to the blog. The feature is “Today’s Über-Catholic Open Question?” This feature may or may not be repeated. It entirely depends on you and whether your answers are interesting, funny, or foul. Don’t let reason or proportion get in your way. Feel free to be more Catholic than the Pope. So, all you Über-Catholics who find fault with 87% percent of everything we write, what is your take on this question.
What is the best Über-Catholic explanation for the longevity of the antediluvian patriarchs? I am talking about all the guys from Adam to Noah who routinely lived 800-900 years talked about in that book that the Protestants are always going on about.
A) The Literal and Historical Interpretation. Yup that is how long they lived. Possible explanations:
- Adam had a much better gene pool than us and so they lived longer,
- The world was different before the flood so people lived longer,
- Evolution misinterprets the fossil record (my personal favorite) and thus neanderthals are really very old patriarchs whose foreheads and facial features continued to grow during their very long life spans,
- Dannon Yogurt.
B) The Metaphorical Interpretation. The life spans described in the Bible are misinterpreted by modern man.
- Ancient people were very stupid and thus could not tell the difference between months and years (even though this would mean that some of the patriarchs were getting busy in kindergarten),
- Modern people are stupid and this obviously refers to to patriarchal dynasties,
- Some other interpretation that explains away the obvious.
C) The Mythical Interpretation – There were no patriarchs since there was no Adam and this was all ripped off from some ancient Chinese bathroom wall and regurgitated by the Hebrews in order to keep their women folk in line or some such thing.
D) Brand New Interpretation of Your Creation (preferably involving aliens)
Have at it!
July 8, 2009 at 9:36 pm
You're starting from a flawed premise. According to the CCC #116-17, there are four senses of Scripture: (1) literal sense, (2) allegorical sense, (3) moral sense, and (4) anagogical sense.
As a result of your self-refuting apostate sola-Patrick-ola interpretation of scripture using (A) literal, (B) metaphorical and (C) mythical senses, in contradistinction to the senses of Scripture outlined by the Early Church Fathers and passed on to us through Sacred Tradition by Holy Mother Church, I propose we wipe the dust off our sandals and ignore your question!
AMDG!
Ryan
July 8, 2009 at 9:38 pm
I think it's a combination of all four, plus they te lot of acai berries.
July 8, 2009 at 9:38 pm
oops. That should read "ate a lot of acai berries"
July 8, 2009 at 9:47 pm
Ryan
Huzzah! An excellent Uber-Catholic start!
July 8, 2009 at 9:53 pm
LarryD
I should have known it had something to do with toxins and free radicals. Maybe the acai berries get rid of that 45 lbs of red meat that are in our intestines….
July 8, 2009 at 10:07 pm
The sun, being newly created, had grown to only about a tenth of its current size, so the earth's orbit took 1/10th as long. Thus Methusaleh would have been 96.9 years when he died, measured in current years.
July 8, 2009 at 10:25 pm
Ooooh – I like that one – Young earth rationalism – very nice.
July 8, 2009 at 10:32 pm
Dog years?
July 8, 2009 at 10:33 pm
Anon is another heretic — who says the earth orbits the sun?!? Apostate!
July 8, 2009 at 10:36 pm
The Church has never formally defined the proper interpretation of this question so Catholics in good standing are free to believe what they want.
I therefore choose to believe that lifespans declined from the fall until the world was renewed at Vatican II and have been rising ever since. I fully anticipate to be participating at progressive liturgies well into my 400's.
July 8, 2009 at 10:56 pm
I have to suspect this was the result of the increasing effect of original sin. The implication of Genesis seems to suggest that the shortened life span itself was a form of chastisement for the sins of the time prior to the deluge.
If that was the initial punishment for the things going on then, perhaps it's just as well that Genesis doesn't tell us much about the world back then.
Steven P. Cornett
July 8, 2009 at 11:21 pm
The Patriarchs never fell into the heresy of Americanism, which is the root of all the ills of our time, and is manifest routinely at this blog.
Please read Testem Benevolentiae Nostrae and return to true obedience to the Holy Father, "that thy days may be long on the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee."
July 8, 2009 at 11:23 pm
Are Uber-catholics some form of Bavarian heretic? Anyway the answer is beyond you lot (it was only a few years ago you were living in log cabins and calling one another 'pardner'). I shall not tell you the answer because that would sully the TRUTH. You're all excommunicated for blasphemy against Holy Writ and damned to Hell for not agreeing with me!
July 8, 2009 at 11:42 pm
As is well known, the solar year (the time it takes the sun to make one revolution around the earth) did not come into wide use until infallibly proclaimed by Pope Gregory XIII, of blessed memory. This was to amend the heretical calendar, falsely appended to Caesar (but that tale is irrelevant to the case at hand).
The early Jews instead followed a lunar calendar, where the year is measured as the amount of time it takes the moon to revolve around the earth. Some may make 'mathematical' calculations and 'find' that this reckoning would create ages even more ridiculous than those measured by the solar year. However, it should be noted that, due to the cyles of the moon, years have varying degrees of length by the lunar calendar.
It's all quite simple.
July 8, 2009 at 11:54 pm
I think it has to do with the great abundance of wild game in the Patriarchal diets (witness Isaac asking Esau to obtain some "wild game prepared in the manner I prefer" before receiving his, Isaac's, blessing) and little if anything to do with acai berries which has been discounted empirically by recent Biblical research.
It also invariably is NOT a result of the abundance of "star stuff" as predicted by Sagan who erred (but said this phrase in a decidedly humorous manner).
July 9, 2009 at 12:20 am
It's because the early patriarchs were still nomadic–they hadn't yet settled in farms and cities.
The old testament makes it clear that there are two roots of evil in the world– older siblings and city dwellers….
If you want to mimic the patriarchs' lifespan, retire to the mountains and become a dirty, smelly goatherd!
(Rogers and Hammerstein make a reference to this fact in their song "The Lonely Goatherd." The goatherd trades his promise of long life for the decadent joys of castle living and gloating mothers-in-law…..)
July 9, 2009 at 12:20 am
I say this is a stupid question. I refuse to answer because I had to google "antediluvian." And if anyone here doesn't think I'm a good Catholic I'm going to shove my pocket rosary down his throat!
July 9, 2009 at 1:00 am
I don't know the answer and I'm not going to research it, nor am I going to take a guess . . . I'm going to sit out in the sun and eat a ton of macadamia nuts and praise God for the lovely islands of Hawaii. Aloha! 😉
July 9, 2009 at 1:58 am
I suggest a cagematch between Amy Giglio and Patrick Archbold. Two individuals, two Rosaries, no prayers barred!
(In case you're wondering, I represent the cradle-Catholic who doesn't let an archaic morality system get in the way of a good time.)
July 9, 2009 at 2:16 am
They were trying to live long enough for God's promises (not including the Hairclub for men)…Absolutely it had something to do with an organic diet (I hear locusts and honey were delectable).
But you know really it's not open to debate. I have my beliefs, and those beliefs are what I feel to be true. So who do you think you are trying to thwart my relationship to the god who is at the center of my core? I mean, come on!!!