Amy Welborn reports something troubling:
Screenwriter Joe Eszterhas, who chronicled his reversion to Catholicism in Crossbearer: A Memoir of Faith (#253 on my stack….), is setting his sights on Guadalupe:
The writer whose credits include the sexually explicit megabomb “Showgirls” plans an original screenplay on the Virgin of Guadalupe, an icon of the Virgin Mary that supposedly appeared to a Mexican peasant in the 16th century.
Once notorious as a heavy boozer and smoker in Hollywood, Eszterhas overcame his addictive habits and found God after he was diagnosed with throat cancer.
“This is a labor of love for me,” Eszterhas said. “I have been hoping for some time to write a film that is both entertaining and inspiring.”
I am thrilled that Joe Eszterhas has converted to Catholicism. I remember reading somewhere that his memoir was pretty moving. And I’m so happy that I could kill the fatted calf but the farmer at the farm park near our house would probably be pretty ticked so I won’t.
But I still have some reservations about this movie. OK. LOTS OF RESERVATIONS.
It’s not that I don’t believe Eszterhas is a great Catholic. Probably more saintly than me. It’s just that…hmmm…how to say this…uh…oh yeah…his movies stink. And not just a little stink. I mean like diapers after the baby ate grapes and chocolate kind of stink. Like a skunk crawled into a cabinet with a petrified rat in its mouth and died in the house kind of stink.
But Matt he’s one of the most successful screenwriters of recent memory, you might be tempted to say. Yeah, and Dolph Lundgren and Jean Claude Van Damme have earned millions in the movies. So what?
Let’s go over Eszterhas’ highlights/lowlights as of late:
Basic Instinct 2 (2006) – Bomb! Rotten Tomatoes wrote that it
“falls squarely into so-bad-it’s-good territory — or perhaps, so-bad-it’s-still-pretty-bad. Fourteen years after wielding an icepick to memorable effect, trashy crime novelist Catherine Tramell is back to wreck havoc on mesmerized guys — to much diminished returns. Only the sheer ludicrousness of the plot keeps this one from being a total washout.”
Jade (1995) – The LA Times said:
Watching “Jade” is such a hollow experience it’s hard to work up the energy to dismiss it. A movie where the car chases have more personality than the people, its monotone acting and recycled plot make one wonder, not for the first time, how something this tired ever got made.
Showgirls (1995)- One reviewer wrote of Eszterhas:
He writes women not only like he never met one, but as if they were a mythological species that he was too lazy to research. Watching one of Eszterhas’ woman characters is akin to watching a werewolf expert in a horror movie state that “the only way to kill a werewolf is by driving a wooden stake through its heart.”
Sliver (1993) – Film Critic.com wrote:
a creaking and confused plot, a boring gaggle of co-stars, plenty of dimwitted dialogue, and a profoundly flawed conclusion.
Nowhere to Run (1993) – This was a Jean Claude Van Damme movie. ‘Nuff said.
Basic Instinct – Famous for one scene. That’s it. If you think it’s a good movie watch it on television where it’s like 40 minutes long minus the nude scenes. Not a good movie.
Music Box (1989) The NY Times said:
“Nothing in Joe Eszterhas’s overblown script or in Costa-Gavras’s simplistic direction begins to support it. In the end, not even Ms. Lange’s profuse energy and intelligence can redeem the film’s unremitting shallowness and mediocrity.”
Flashdance (1983)Filmcritic.com wrote:
Flashdance is an exercise in Cinderellaesque teenage female wish fulfillment so preposterous that it shoots right over the top and is ultimately richly entertaining in spite of its ridiculousness. All you have to do it get past the main message, which is that finding success in life is not just about your talent. It’s about your talent plus your ability to snag a rich and powerful boyfriend
Now, mind you. It could be that Eszterhas is about to shock the world and is about to write a classic screenplay concerning the story around Our Lady of Guadalupe. It could be. All things are possible with God. But there’s been nothing…and I mean absolutely nothing to indicate this in the past.
He has shown, however, an amazing ability to get movies made. And that’s what worries me.
Update: I actually feel a little bad about being mean about Ezsterhas. I’m worried that he’ll actually read this someday. So I’ll just say we’ll all be praying that he does a great job.
August 8, 2009 at 9:41 pm
News flash: critics make their living at picking apart movies. Unless you are particularly dim-witted and completely susceptible to suggestion you'd be hard pressed to agree 100% with everything any one of them says. And while I agree that most of Ezsterhas' work is tripe, he's clearly capitalizing on the need and market for tripe, and does a good job at it half the time.
I don't know if you have ever seen the Music Box, but it is a GREAT movie. There were parts that left me cold and very shaken. It raised a lot of questions and broke a lot of barriers for things we just didn't talk about at the time it was made. It was an absolute departure from his later work, and because of it going over the heads of so many people is probably why he said, "screw the American audience. I know what you REALLY want, and here it is."
So, if this story of Our Lady is a labour of love, I'm going to give this born-again Catholic a chance here. What I find disturbing is Amy Welborn's statement "the Virgin of Guadalupe, an icon of the Virgin Mary that supposedly appeared to a Mexican peasant in the 16th century." There is no supposedly about it since it is a legitimate and recognized apparition by the Catholic church.
P.S. funny how in your Showgirls quote you write "one reviewer wrote". Why not just say, "some random person who doesn't have any credentials to speak of wrote"? Hey, maybe I'll be quoted as "some reviewer" now! That is if anyone of note ever reads this blog…
August 8, 2009 at 9:55 pm
Thank you Joe Eszterhas' bff for commenting here.
August 8, 2009 at 9:55 pm
As a Catholic reviewer, I'd have to say that every one of those films cited above has deep Catholic imagery that many many people have missed. But not me.
Didn't like any of 'em, either.
August 8, 2009 at 10:30 pm
Re: Catholic imagery.
Anime has a LOT of Catholic imagery– it also has female Catholic priests (who use machine guns to destroy evil demons and angels while fighting beside their *good* demon and angel friends) who got their job because thats what their dad was, and they're an only child….
Hellsing is relatively accurate…and that's counting the holy pie servers. (warning, buckets o'blood)
August 9, 2009 at 2:41 am
I heard an interview done with Esterhaz, he was on fire with his zeal for the Faith and VERY contrite about his younger days. We all grow up (hopefully).
While he's put out his share of tripe (but I LOVED Flashdance!), he may have learned from his mistakes.
In the end we may have another, "Song of Bernadette".
August 9, 2009 at 3:04 am
I once watched Jade and was struck by how bad it was and how much Esterhaz seemed to hate women. Without sex and violence I'm not sure if he can write.
August 9, 2009 at 5:53 pm
I know you have an Amy Welborn crush but I do believe the church is convinced that the Blessed Virgin did appear to Juan Diego. She did not supposedly appeared to a Mexican peasant. She really did.
August 9, 2009 at 5:58 pm
http://www.ewtn.com/expert/answers/apparitions.htm
Apparitions, when approved, are alright to believe in– not required.
August 9, 2009 at 5:58 pm
"…the Virgin of Guadalupe, an icon of the Virgin Mary that supposedly appeared to a Mexican peasant in the 16th century."
Wrong!
Actually it was the Virgin Mary herself (who), NOT an icon (that), appeared.
More to the point, there was nothing "supposedly" about it.
jedesto
August 9, 2009 at 6:01 pm
….You're arguing with the AP, guys.
Which you'd know if you clicked through and noticed that it's a quote of a yahoo news story– are you really expecting Yahoo.com, which still thinks that the Pope condemned Harry Potter, to be close to your own views?
August 9, 2009 at 9:06 pm
Check out The Black Book, a Dutch movie Esterhasz did a couple of years ago– a WWII story, and quite good. I was VERY wary of renting this movie because of Esterhazs' raunchy titles…but I was very pleasantly surprised. Sometime after that, I read about his reversion to Catholicism, and the dutch movie made sense. I'm gonna give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he'll be the one that contributes a Ben Hur or A Man for All Seasons to this pitiful culture.
August 10, 2009 at 2:51 pm
News flash: critics make their living at picking apart movies. Unless you are particularly dim-witted and completely susceptible to suggestion you'd be hard pressed to agree 100% with everything any one of them says.
News flash: Matt didn't do or suggest any of the things said here. The reveiws are quoted as support, not proof-texts, and thus your response reads like this
August 10, 2009 at 5:26 pm
You can lay off the criticism of Amy Welborn in this instance. Although the formatting here at CMR is unclear, and causing confusion, if you actually visit Amy's site you will find that the phrase "an icon of the Virgin Mary that supposedly appeared to a Mexican peasant in the 16th century" is from an AP article that Welborn quotes. It is not Welborn's phrasing.
August 10, 2009 at 8:13 pm
Juan Diego is now a canonized saint. Re: the story about the apparition and the miraculous imprint on his tilma, just check the web for more official accounts and the findings will be awesome and inspiring.
August 11, 2009 at 4:39 pm
What mg said. Amy was referencing the AP, which said "supposedly." Sheesh.
I am optimistic about Eszterhas' upcoming movie about Guadalupe. Yes some (well maybe most) of his previous work left a lot to be desired, creatively speaking, but living and writing in a moral vacuum will do that to a person.
Now that he has seen the light, literally, his work may reflect some depth and respect.
I know there are Christian producers, screenwriters etc. working in Hollywood and I salute them. They are trying to work in an extremely hostile environment. But a high profile Hollywood artists with a money-making track record might have better luck breaking through. I hope Eszterhas is that guy.
He could probably use some prayers, since I'm sure lots of people will be happy to use his past against him to thwart his efforts.
August 11, 2009 at 5:39 pm
Thing is, just like all those *horribly* bad "Christian Cartoons" that are around– a great deal of faith doesn't always translate into a great product. Often seems that the more strong beliefs someone has, the more trouble they have making a movie everyone can watch….
Although Passion of the Christ turned out rather well.
August 11, 2009 at 5:43 pm
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August 11, 2009 at 5:51 pm
For the person making it, I agree, but for the sake of other folk…not so much.
Most of the folks I know who left the Church did so because they only got horrible-but-well-intended sort; a really horribly insulting-to-the-viewer movie "against" God can be a help.
(The da Vinci Code, oddly enough, was bad enough to get some of my not-pro-Church-at-all friends to dislike it– because it was so horribly insulting to their intelligence.)
August 11, 2009 at 5:56 pm
Better to have a lousy movie about God than to have a spectacular movie against Him – imho. What sticks in the subconscious is positive even if the conscious finds it dreadful.
August 11, 2009 at 5:59 pm
But if it's bad, folks don't stick around for it to get into their sub-conscious.