This is Matt: We here at CMR have been huge fans of Erin Manning who blogs over at And Sometimes Tea. And so we wanted to have Erin write over here once a week for the next month as a guest blogger. I think CMR could use some female perspective – other than Patrick’s. So enjoy Erin’s post. Heeeeeeerrrre’s Erin!!!!!!!
Last week, I read that the Diocese of Phoenix had decided to strengthen their marriage preparation requirements. Instead of six months of mostly lay led marriage preparation classes, the diocese now requires nine, to include mandatory NFP classes and some basics about Catholic teaching regarding marriage, including Catholic opposition to divorce, contraception, and homosexual “marriage.”
Yesterday I read about (and wrote about) the Polish priest who installed a fingerprint reader to make it easier to track confirmation candidates’ Mass attendance. If the children attend 200 Masses in three years, they can skip an otherwise mandatory exam.
What do these two very different stories, from two very different places in the world, have in common? One specific problem, a problem I like to call “Sacramental Gatekeeping.”
In one sense, I can understand the actions of both the Phoenix Diocese and the Polish priest. In the first instance, it can’t be denied that a scandalously large number of people get married in the Catholic Church in America without being regular practitioners of the Catholic faith, without truly understanding what the Church believes about marriage or requires of those who enter this vocation, without being in any sense ready to take on this new way of living, this sacramental union with another person and, with God’s blessing, with the children they should be hoping to have together. In the second instance, I think the priest is trying in an ingenious way to remove an onerous requirement for confirmation–an exam–and giving those children who are serious enough about their faith to come to Mass a way to avoid having to take a test on their way to this sacrament.
But unfortunately, both solutions to the problems are quite likely to end up being anything but. A couple wishing to marry in the Phoenix Diocese isn’t going to undo what might be a couple of decades of religious indifference or bad catechesis with a whopping total of three extra months of preparation, especially when a lot of that preparation is likely to involve being in a classroom with dozens of other couples who are all filling out worksheets with titles like “Relationship tools–what are your expectations of marriage?” or “Money–who is in charge?” A simple Google search of the Pre-Cana program (a standard marriage preparation class for Catholics) shows glowing reviews by couples who attended–and who lived together before marriage and had no idea of separating before the wedding, and who weren’t asked to, or who lied and said they had separate addresses, etc.
And though I’m sympathetic to the Polish priest, it’s true that a savvy child could easily scan his or her fingerprints and then simply leave the church building or hang out in the back. I have no idea how likely a Polish Catholic child is to try such a thing, but it’s only too likely that some American children, faced with a similar system, would learn how to game it.
So what ends up happening is this: the philosophy of Sacramental Gatekeeping keeps thinking that less-serious Catholics can be brought to a greater understanding and appreciation for the sacraments they seek if they have to attend more classes (and pay more class fees), take more tests, prove more attendance, add more “service hours,” and otherwise do more and more things that really have very little to do with the sacraments at all as “minimum requirements” for receiving these sacraments. And the less-serious Catholics keep figuring out ways to get around the increasingly burdensome requirements–while those Catholics who do take their faith seriously, who are at Mass every Sunday and Holy Day (and sometimes quite a few weekdays as well), who have been active in their parishes since their Baptisms (or at least since they left the Cry Room) end up being told “You wish to receive a sacrament, or have your child receive one? Great! Here are six more hoops through which you must jump…”
And the hoops are getting to be insane.
Take baptism, for instance. How many dioceses or parishes now require that both parents must take a class for each child, that they may not attend the class until after the baby is born, and that they cannot bring the baby to the class with them? This is almost like saying, “Hey, if you are the practicing Catholic parents of four or five young children and you breastfeed your baby, we’re going to make it really really hard for you to get baby number six baptized until he or she is weaned–but then again, we don’t allow baptisms during Lent, so you’re going to have to wait at least that long anyway. Aren’t you excited?”
Or take first penance and first Holy Communion. How many dioceses or parishes are now requiring several years of parish-based religious education plus special sacramental preparation classes in addition to some special sessions like all-day retreats which both parents and the child must attend? If your child is paying tuition at a diocesan school, some of these requirements sometimes (but not always) evaporate–but if you are homeschooling your child using the exact same religious education textbooks your diocese uses, chances are you’re still going to be required to enroll your children in the parish program. Here, the Powers That Be are saying, “We know you consider yourself a Catholic school-at-home. We think the education you are giving your children is the exact equivalent of the religious education of a child whose parents never attend Mass and who is not receiving any school-based religious instruction at all. Isn’t that nice of us?”
Or take confirmation. I could write a whole post on this one; isn’t it crazy that one of the Sacraments of Initiation has been postponed to the age of sixteen in so many dioceses around the country? Why do we wait so long before our children receive the Holy Spirit? The most honest reason I’ve heard comes from weary parish religious-ed teachers who say sadly, “If we confirmed kids any earlier, they’d stop coming to church much younger than they already do.”
But because confirmation has become a kind of “Rite of Telling Our Kids They’re Now Spiritually Mature Adults Whether They Are Or Not,” the requirements have spun out of control. I’ve heard from lots of people whose children were required to take at least two years of special classes above and beyond normal religious education, to log huge numbers of “service hours” doing projects in the parish and in the community–but only so many hours in each of several specific categories, because the child who has been volunteering at the parish for years has to branch out and go feed the homeless or it doesn’t “count,” so to speak–and even, perhaps most disturbingly, to go on overnight co-ed confirmation retreats, where various topics are discussed, but not, certainly, the imprudence of spending the night in close proximity to dozens of teenage members of the opposite sex.
And now marriage will be the latest sacrament to be adorned with extra hoops for the good Catholic young adults to jump through. Setting aside the fact that many excellent Catholic teachers over the years have warned against lengthy engagements, there is the problem that the young man and woman from strong Catholic backgrounds who have been going to Mass and frequenting confession throughout their youths and young adulthoods, who could practically teach a class themselves on what the Church teaches about marriage, who are eager to begin their lives together and to have children with God’s blessing, and who take seriously all that the Church expects and requires of them as mature adults, will have to agree to a nine-months’ engagement, dozens of classes at least some of which may be of dubious value, and whatever else in the way of hoops may be laid out in front of them during the nine-months’ “marriage preparation process.”
Some who are reading this will no doubt object: “But there are no such young couples! The vast majority of the Catholic couples getting married in the Church are weak in their faith, irregular in their attendance, indifferent to the Church’s teachings, and untrustworthy! It’s unrealistic to expect young Catholics to know their faith and actually plan to live it!”
To the extent that this is true, it is not too much of an exaggeration to call it the central problem facing the Church today. Unfortunately, it is a problem likely to be exacerbated, rather than helped, by Sacramental Gatekeeping.
February 3, 2010 at 4:48 pm
I have no problems with the rules as long as people can get an exemption from the pastor, or at least the bishop, if they can demonstrate that they're prepared to receive the sacrament.
The fact is that many Catholics are completely uneducated in their faith. Requiring education before necessary sacraments is a stop-gap measure. But in the long run we need to educate adults and get them to be the primary religious educators of their kids. CCD classes and the rest should just be the icing on the cake. With all the access to information we have today it's a huge scandal that so many of the laity don't know their faith. This is one of the biggest failings of bishops and priests today.
I think the tide is turning because of attrition (among other things of course). I was born in 1980 and never learned anything more than sentimental fluff. The only reason I'm Catholic today is because I learned about what the Church teaches on my own for the purpose of leaving and putting Her behind me in good conscience after not practicing since I left home for college – when I couldn't find a contradiction in Her teachings I had no choice but to come back. But of all the Catholics I knew in high school and college, I'm the only one I know who is still practicing. I think a good percentage of the people from my generation who are still Catholic are more orthodox than their parents – the rest left because they were never shown the true faith.
February 3, 2010 at 5:36 pm
We have no "sacramental gate keeping". That is why we will have 120 kids from the two parish schools making first Communion. 10-20 of these kids go to mass. So, 100 kids will be let recieve the sacraments, even though they will never be back in church again. Until confirmation!
Some "gate keeping" might get a few through the doors. Being in a Church, is a start. Good liturgy is possible. And their evangelisation can begin. But if they are at home in bed, nothing will change for them!
February 3, 2010 at 5:43 pm
I feel bad for Erin… she attacked a HUGE problem in the Church, and will now receive everyone else's "this is how our parish is…"
Many of us are unhappy about the Sacramental ALL-ACCESS scenarios at parishes in our country. The hard question is how do we fix it?
I don't know if there is ONE easy answer… but there might be a few good or RIGHT answers. One for sure is to get CLERGY more involved. I KNOW there is a CLERGY shortage. But… they need to be more involved in the processes.
Again, I feel bad for Erin, because I see where she is going with this… but about half of the comments will support her while the other half will argue that she is off base; the reason for this is that no one has a quick and easy answer to the problem.
February 3, 2010 at 5:48 pm
As a devout Catholic Youth Minister, I am torn by this conversation. I see both sides.
I am a newly-wed of seven and a half months, and I agree that the long engagement, and honestly, learning about Natural Family Planning too soon, led the way for my husband and I to fall in places of our relationship that we most certainly intended not to. It was a tough year of trying to find a healthy balance and remain true to our faith while we 'jumped through the hoops.' On the flip side, though, I think that Natural Family Planning and the Church's teaching on contraception and the like are often skimmed over and not given enough dedication too. I have had too many siblings and friends get married without truly knowing the beauty of what the Church teaches.
Not only that, but we are expecting a honeymoon baby! (NFP works both ways.) Even though my husband and I teach the youth at our parish, we were required to take the baptism classes. Luckily, we could do that before our child is born so that when this kid comes to this world we can get it baptized as soon as possible. But, let me tell you, this class was a joke. My husband and I, as well as the Godparents of our child very well could have taught this class. In fact, the next class we taught for the youth was on baptism. Irony at its finest. The thing is, I know a class is necessary for those people who know nothing of what it is, and who see the Sacraments as checkpoints to get through.
Is there a middle ground? Is there a fix? I don't know if there is a solution beyond trying to get people an encounter with Christ, to help them to fall in love with our beautiful faith and to break the cycle of mundane pew sitting.
And that is why I have not quit my job yet, as tempting as it has been at times.
February 3, 2010 at 6:30 pm
Subsidiarity is completely lost on many pastors, youth ministers, and "church ladies".
I understand the concerns of those who administer large parishes. But they must, repeat must, defer to any parent who says, "I have prepared my child for this sacrament, which you have no right to refuse."
Many parents of CCD students are relieved to have that job done for them. It's a sad situation, but it shouldn't become an obstacle to the rest of us.
Our first son's first communion flew under the radar. We asked a priest to celebrate, he agreed, no big deal. The next one got "caught" by a church lady the day before, and he had to go through a questionnaire with the priest before mass. I tell you, the third one will simply show up one fine Sunday morning in his new suit and tie and present himself for communion. He won't have the spectacle and attention and hand made felt banner to hang on the edge of our pew, but he will be fully prepared, and he will have a big party at home just like his brothers did.
(The priest may be surprised when we ask for a photo after mass, but that's not my problem.)
So, this is fine for the early years, but confirmation is indeed another story. You can't exactly just sneak into a confirmation ceremony and get in line. I suppose I'll have to join the "youth ministry team" myself so that I'm at least there to chaperone all the silliness. Unless someone knows of a sympathetic bishop somewhere that will confirm visitors from out of state. I'll accept illicit-but-valid. 😉
February 3, 2010 at 6:37 pm
I tend to be of the 'pre cana is a waste of time' school of thought. We took the diocesan one-day Pre Cana (we tried to get private classes with our priest, but after interviewing us he said it was a waste of his time b/c we were ALREADY well-prepared for marriage. But we still needed to go to a class so that we could check off the proper box and be allowed to marry.)
So it was a day of stupid quizzes and feeling very very uncomfortable, because out of 20 couples in the class, there were only 3 couples who weren't living together. (Coincidentally, we were also the 3 college-aged couples. The rest were all 30 something.)
As a result, the class was a waste of time and money. The only high point was lunch.
It was a shame, because the instuctor WAS really good. He had some really solid advice on how to divide chores and how to plan to go down to one income when the baby is born ("Because your wife WILL want to stay home. She says she won;t now, but as soon as she holds that baby for the first time…..")
But he had to cater to the bulk of the class, which meant 'People who don't go to Mass or accept Church teachings but want to get married in a pretty building with stained glass.'
I can't imagine the poor couples who have to put up with 9 months of that! And I agree, long engagements are a bad idea– we were engaged 9 months (b/c that was the earliest we could reserve the church!) and we would have been better off with 4-6 — an engagement provides way too many occasions of sin… it was only by the grace of God and the fervent prayers of friends that we made it through!
We've also lucked out on the Baptism class thing– , it's based on an interview with the priest. (The first time around we also needed a letter from our last pastor to prove we'd been practicing the faith.)
Honestly, I know parishes are big and priests are busy, but I think interviews are much better than hoops. (Of course, that might be because an hour talking to a priest we know and like beats HOURS in a boring class passing 'spot the heresy' notes and sighing……)
February 3, 2010 at 6:45 pm
We pulled our children from our parish's CCD program because they weren't learning anything. I home-schooled them for several years. In CCD class, they were lucky to have completed 1/2 of the text book. Homeschool CCD parents were REQUIRED to complete the entire book. Yet when it came time for Confirmation instruction, I was REQUIRED to re-enroll my children in the classroom CCD setting. Positively outrageous.
February 3, 2010 at 6:58 pm
I was REQUIRED to re-enroll my children in the classroom CCD setting.
Did you talk to your priest? If you did and still got the stonewall, nevermind. I'm really asking this for the benefit of anyone who is feeling like they are being forced into a program like CCD or RCIA. Sometimes there is a lay cabal that think they run the show and want everyone in their program. They even go so far as to say, "Oh Father is busy. Don't bother him with that." It is important to remember that the parish priest calls the shots and sometimes (not always) a brief meeting with him will yield good results. When in doubt TALK TO THE PRIEST. No guarantees of course, but it is important to go to where the buck stops.
February 3, 2010 at 7:38 pm
This past Sunday my youngest son's teacher introduced herself to me and launched into a spiel about how "very well he knows his stuff!" and, she knew the same to be true of my daughter, who happened to be in her class the Sunday prior due to her teacher being absent. Last year our oldest was Confirmed in 8th grade, not 10th. He was ready . . . I asked the Religious Ed. Coord. and she said, "The only person who can refuse the Sacrament is the Bishop." So, there. Take it to the Bishop, if you must. I did not have to. At some point the Priest (and most especially his staff) should trust the parent to know – and the kid that wants the sacrament!
February 3, 2010 at 8:10 pm
Serious question:
When Erin mentioned some places putting of Sacraments of Initiation until the age of 16, she meant Confirmation and not Baptism, I hope?
February 3, 2010 at 8:43 pm
I feel Erin's pain. Kindly, our priest did give us a pass on baptism class for baby #7! Howver, he is adamant that no exceptions be made to the 2 years of ccd rule before sacraments. Trying to fly one in under the radar now. My friend was in ccd recently with her boy and was mentioning Joseph and his brothers in Egypt. The ccd instructor said – oh, we know all about Joseph in this class and then proceeded to point to the statue of the holy family!!
February 3, 2010 at 9:04 pm
I have a friend who has 8 children. She and her husband have had to take the baptism classes every single year. That's ridiculous.
February 3, 2010 at 9:12 pm
I tried posting this earlier, but it seems it didn't take.
I'm a mom to 3 kids under the age of 10 and a DRE, so I get to see this from both sides.
On the parish side, it is hard to strike a balance between those folks who are active participants in our Catholic faith (like those who would be reading and writing this blog) and the larger majority in the average parish who do not practice the faith and who were making felt banners when they were supposed to be getting catchized.
On the Catholic Mom side, always talk to your priest if you think you may qualify for an exemption to these requirements. According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, we are the primary educators of our children in the faith. We know when our kids are ready and when they are not.
If you feel you are being treated unfairly by your DRE, go up the chain first to your pastor, then to the diocesan catechetical office, then your bishop, and to Rome if you must. Parental responsibility for religious education is a great blessing. How sad I feel for those who hand it off to us at the parishes without a thought. How much they are missing out on!
February 3, 2010 at 9:20 pm
Wow, this is an interesting post. One I'd never thought about before.
My husband and I have been NFP teachers and we loved when a parish required NFP for Pre-Cana. We're they all happy about being there? Very often not, but it was worth it for the few who did come away with a clearer understanding of the Churches teaching on contraception. Currently we are a pre-cana mentor couple and we just revamped our parish pre-cana program to use FOCCUS. I'm not sure how well the new system will go over. To me it seemed like a little too much psychobabble and not enough spiritual formation. We shall see.
While I don't think having no requirements is the answer, I certainly don't believe there should be a laundry list. To a certain extent we should trust in the Grace that comes from the sacrament itself to do it's work. Likely it's a delicate balance between too few hoops and too many. Certainly, priests should be allowed to make exceptions to requirements for folks they know are faithfully practicing Catholics.
February 3, 2010 at 10:04 pm
Agree almost completely, but I have to point out that we are not denying children reception of the Holy Spirit by delaying confirmation. One of the fruits of baptism is to be made a temple of the Holy Spirit. Confirmation increases the gifts of the Spirit and the strength of its presence.
Now, we probably shouldn't delay that either, but saying we are denying them the Holy Spirit is to protest a bit too much.
February 3, 2010 at 11:22 pm
Dan, the three Sacraments of Initiation are Baptism, Confirmation, and First Holy Communion. Traditionally they were administered in that order, by the way.
Now we make some children wait until age 16 to receive the third of those sacraments. Why? Why do we wait so long?
February 3, 2010 at 11:29 pm
A very good post. I know one engaged couple that is just digging their heels even deeper into their bad attitude towards marriage because of these classes. Having even more of them won't be very useful.
I think a good middle ground would be offering these classes, but not requiring them.
…exxxcept for NFP. I think every future married couple should be forced to sit through that one at least once.
The "Are you as good of listener as Jesus?" class? Yeah, maybe not.
February 4, 2010 at 12:26 am
Well, I think we should Confirm babies when we Baptize them, like in the Eastern rites.
Or the Church needs to change the requirement for Confirmation to reflect the fact that it cannot be received by any who are under the age of reason. For all the rites.
Really it seems contradictory to try to have it both ways, especially in the Roman rite with fewer priests.
Regarding marriage and the others, well, I know that priests are uber-busy, and pre-packaged formation programs are tempting, but one of his most important duties is to prepare his faithful for the sacraments! And it works both ways. If a family rarely shows up for Mass, doesn't contribute to the parish, and the priest doesn't know them at all, he should have the right to withhold the sacrament(s) until such time as he feels they are ready.
And if you're new to an area, one of the best things you can do is invite your parish priest for dinner — and ask him to bless your house!
–freddy
February 4, 2010 at 1:36 am
1. NFP is NOT a required teaching of the church. I am not personally decided on the issue, but there ARE legitimate arguments out there to be considered as concerns the idea that NFP is nothing but Catholic contraception. Again, I am not saying I think this, but it needs to be considered. Also, many Catholics point out that for some couples, months of NFP classes can certainly get a couple thinking about sex too much and provide for a near occasion of sin. Some are even put-off and offended by the graphic nature of all that's discussed in NFP classes. Certainly we need to be telling engaged couples of the Church's stance on contraception and abortion. But NFP might be taking it too far, and again, it is NOT official teaching of the Church, even if it is acceptable.
2. Why are so many parishes requiring parents of multiple kids to take baptism classes over and over? MONEY. At our parish, the baptism class is taught by the deacon and the money collected goes right to him. The class consisted solely of being made to watch a dumbed-down video that was 20 years old, followed by the deacon saying "Any questions?" What a crock. Total waste of time and the deacon certainly didn't earn the $25 we forfeited over to him. Worse, the deacon knows us personally and KNOWS we are faithful, knowledgeable Catholics.
3. In our former parish, homeschool parents were nearly tortured for wanting to exempt their kids from the first communion and confirmation CCD classes. They had to take their fight all the way to the archbishop, and it created very bad feelings between the DRE and parish priest, and the families – who were all holy and involved parish families. It disgusted me. It was all about was the DRE wanting to feel powerful and in control – and the parish priest wanting to look supportive of the DRE. It was sad, since the homeschooled kids could have taught the classes they wanted to be exemoted from. In the end, the homeschool families won the battle (because the archbishop had to TELL the priest that they were adequately prepared.) But what a waste ot time and energy! A priest can't figure out that these kids were properly prepared?
February 4, 2010 at 2:00 am
I am a priest and regularly go through the CCD classes every week. Tonight I gathered the fifth and seventh grades in the church to talk about the Mass. Out of some fifty kids, only twelve had been to Mass on Sunday, and fewer said they go every Sunday. None of these kids could tell me anything correct about the Blessed Sacrament; one identified the altar as "that desk thingy." I know that it is a hassle for many Catholic families doing the right thing, but the reality is that, so often, the only time many come is for the sacraments. Every time they come, their knowledge of the faith is less and less. It is allowing people to have received sacraments for so long without any expectation of it having anything to do with actual practice of faith which has now produced several generations of baptised pagans. In theory, I hate the carrot and stick routine we use to use sacraments as an opportunity for catechesis, but right now, if we don't use those opportunities then we will have nothing and more nothing.
I hate the paperwork as much as anyone does if for no other reason than I have to keep up with it all. But behind all of these requirements is the admission that we have lost several generations because of the confusion post-Vatican II and that something has to be done. If any of the readers of this blog have any ideas for me, I am all ears, but I am also convinced that, should any of you spend some time with me on the priest's side of things, you would be scared witless as to what to do and want to use every opportunity possible to get across the basics of the faith.