News sources are reporting that “in what seemed designed as a display of advancing missile technology, Iran said on Wednesday that it had test-fired a rocket into space carrying living organisms — a rat, two turtles and worms, according to the official Press TV broadcaster.
This could be bad news in that Iran gaining nuclear and missile technology should have us changing our pants. But this is actually much much worse.
Remember like twenty years ago there was the big scare that kids were flushing baby pet alligators down the toilet and these baby gators were returning ten years later from the sewers super large and really hungry and a little hurt by callous humanity.
Remember the movie Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers? Well that occured from just a little old radioactive garbage somebody flushed. Well with all the weird stuff going on in space, what do you think’s going to happen when this rat, two turtles and worms come back in like a hundred years. Huh?
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Truly I ask you. How can a world, so bereft of original thought, long survive?
‘Nuff Said
A man reportedly bit off an officer’s nipple during a fight outside a Chicago bar on Monday night.
The Chicago Sun-Times says the man got into a physical confrontation with the off-duty officer and bit the officer’s nipple.
A doctor said the bite was so severe, the officer “lost a body part”, according to the Chicago Sun-Times.
A Chinese man who trained monkeys martial arts to entertain shoppers was shocked when they turned the tables on him.
Lo Wung’s taekwondo monkeys have become a regular feature outside a shopping centre in Enshi, Hubei province, where they were trained to show off their martial arts skills on each other.
But one quick-thinking monkey saw his chance when Lo slipped – and caught him with a perfect flying kung fu kick to the head. The rest then joined in the affray.
Of course they did. Nothing says apocalypse like highly trained Kung-Fu Monkeys. Jeez, didn’t this guy ever watch Charlton Heston?
LONDON – Agents for Britain’s MI5 intelligence service have discovered that Muslim doctors trained at some of Britain’s leading teaching hospitals have returned to their own countries to fit surgical implants filled with explosives, according to a report from Joseph Farah’s G2 Bulletin.
If fake breasts start exploding, there is going to be glitter everywhere!! Oh the humanity…
An animal rights group is calling on keepers of the country’s most famous groundhog to replace Punxsutawney Phil with a robot. PETA says it’s unfair to subject the creature to the bright lights and huge crowds that mark this Feb. 2 tradition. Organizers of the festival say Phil is fine — living better than other groundhogs in his climate-controlled environment.
If he sees his shadow, you’re all dead.
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If you’d like to add any signs of the apocalypse you are encouraged to write them in the combox. Eventually, one of you will be right.
Posted by Patrick & Matthew Archbold
February 4, 2010 at 5:21 am
People care what a giant rat thinks.
February 4, 2010 at 6:04 am
Oh, how I've missed your Signs of the Apocalypse. You guys are on fire, today (pun intended).
February 4, 2010 at 8:31 am
(Jackie Chan+Little Will Smith)/(Ralph Macchio-The Eighties)=Ugh…
February 4, 2010 at 11:56 am
i have a friend who is a philosophy professor and he regularly gets papers turned in with text message spelling in them. scary
February 4, 2010 at 1:34 pm
After the panty-bomber incident I told my wife that the logical step would be surgically-implanted explosives. I imagine that the government's response would be full-body MRIs for everyone prior to boarding.
February 4, 2010 at 1:57 pm
Is it naive that until I heard of this most recent PETA campaign, I assumed that Punxatawney Phil was just any old groundhog living in any old hole in the ground, who happened to get his natural home staked out by crowds and news cameras each February? I'm a little less inclined to trust Phil when I know the whole "seeing his shadow" thing is an act, rather than him coming out in the morning to go look for food 🙁
February 4, 2010 at 2:55 pm
Just for laughs, we watched the original Karate Kid recently. I've gotta say, death of originality aside, at least the martial arts moves in the remake actually seem (more) impressive.
February 4, 2010 at 3:27 pm
Obviously Iran's turtle/Rat scheme is an attempt to create ACTUAL Ninja Turtles– perhaps to fend off the kung fu monkeys?
honestly, As soon as you said 'Sewer,' I thought that's where you were going……
February 4, 2010 at 3:28 pm
I have to agree with Mike, the martial arts looks like it has fun almost wire-fu moves. I also love the seen with the fly swatter…reminds me of my sister and I doing a jigsaw puzzle (I carefully locating pieces that might work and testing them, she pounding in a random piece with her fist and declaring it solved).
But yea, they could have at least *tried* to be more original.
February 4, 2010 at 4:00 pm
Love how you "Borg-ed" the groundhog. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.
February 4, 2010 at 4:20 pm
That groundhog is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until it sees its shadow.
Coming in February 2011 – Terminator 4: Groundhog Day. We're gonna have six more weeks… of murder.
February 4, 2010 at 6:12 pm
I saw three or four things in there I would pay good money to see in a movie.
That Karate Kid remake was not one of them.
February 4, 2010 at 10:09 pm
K… karate is Japanese… this should be called the Wushu Kid… ARGH! Unoriginal AND stoopid!
February 5, 2010 at 1:32 am
I am trying to find a way to connect the super-volcano under Yellowstone Nat'l Park with the glaciers in the Himalayas. Somewhere in there is a sign. I just need a little more time…and some computer models…
February 6, 2010 at 4:34 am
Man, it's been too long since the last SOTA.
February 6, 2010 at 5:53 am
Here's another sign of the apocalypse… the public display of your arrogance. If you want to claim that the Smith movie is an example of the lack of originality (as if originality is something "sacred" and required in order to justify your omniscient stamp of approval) then you might want to also include the Mass, the Brevery, the Holy Rosary, and the dozen other holy prayers of the Church. Have you ever read anything by Tolkein on "myth"? If you have, you obvious have no clue about the importance of story in passing on cultural values. Luckily the Church gets it and gave us the Bible. Not very origianl by your standards perhaps, but it's still the best seller for a reason.