Many things in the Church have changed since I was a kid. There are things you see now that you would never have seen back then and vice versa. For good and for ill.

Altar boys wearing sneakers. This drives me nuts. When I was a kid, we weren’t even allowed to wear sneakers to Church. When we were serving at Mass, only shiny black pleather would do. Nothing but the best. Today, I see altar boys wearing ratty high tops or even sandals. Makes me wanna smack the parents upside the head. Big deal? No. In bad taste? You betcha.

Puppet Masters. This is actually an improvement. When I was a kid, I witnessed several priests condescend to Mass attendees with puppet-laden homilies. Thanks to AlGore’s invention of the internet and so many Catholic bloggers with a taste for puppet blood, most priests are wise enough to avoid such nonsense. They may not fear hell, but at least they fear youtube.

Communion Line Free-for-All. Boy do I miss the communion line free-for-all. When I was a kid, people still had enough rugged individualism to decide if and when they would go to communion. Now you go when big brother in the polyester jacket tells you to go, row by row. Back then, nobody knew if you didn’t present yourself for communion, now everyone knows so everyone goes. I say, bring back free-form communion.

Altar girls. I was an altar boy from 3rd grade until well …

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