The latest craze in Hollywood is releasing older movies in 3D. Star Wars-the Phantom Menace is being released in 3D. That means one more dimension of Jar Jar. That’s extra Jar.
Jar Jar Jar.
But it got me thinking about movies I wouldn’t want to see re-released in 3-D. In no particular order:
1) The Exorcist. Thinking that Linda Blair is upchucking chicken soup all over my Sno-Caps would definitely hurt concession stand profits. I’m thinking they’d have to hand out barf bags with the 3D glasses.
2) Misery. The ankle scene freaked me out the way Kathy Bates whacked it. I’d be crawling around the aisle looking for Jimmy Caan’s toes.
3) Anything with Michael Moore. I think he’d be considered 4DDDD. (You might have to pay more for all those dimensions.)
4) Anything with Dolly Parton. I don’t want to duck everytime she turns around on screen. So pretty much anything she’s ever been in but mostly “9-5” because it also has Jane Fonda in it.
5) The Crying Game. The big reveal near the end in an extra dimension would just ruin movies for me. I don’t need that thing floating above my popcorn.
6) Transformers. I couldn’t tell what the heck was going on in two dimensions with all the closeups and shaking camera stuff. Goodness knows what would happen if that lunatic Michael Bay had an extra dimension to play with.
7) Terms of Endearment. Too emotionally traumatizing. Watching that little kid say goodbye to his mother was terrible the first time. I never want to go through that again. Ever. I’d be crying all over my glasses and everything would be blurry. It’d be bad.
8) Borat. Just ’cause.
9) Brokeback Mountain. Obvious reasons.
10) Twilight. I just wouldn’t want to be in the theater as every tween girl reaches out to touch abs and is disappointed. There may be riots.
If you have any to add I’ll forward this list to Hollywood.