Somebody tell me how Pat Robertson is not wandering around a dog track with his name and return address pinned to his sweater?

The televangelist kook has once again claimed that God has told him the future. This time, the Creator took time out of his busy schedule (pronounced shedjule, of course) to let Pat know who the next US president will be and for Pat to let us all know that he knows, but that he shouldn’t tell anyone.

Pat Robertson, host of “The 700 Club,” apparently knows who the next president will be. He said on his Christian television program that after much prayer God has revealed the candidate who will lead America in 2012.

“I spent the better part of the week praying and saying, ‘God show me something,’” Robertson shared on CBN’s “New Year’s Prayer 2012” Tuesday. “I think He showed me the next president, but I’m not supposed to talk about that so I’ll leave you in the dark.”

“I’m going to read just as I wrote down, as if I’m hearing from the Lord these words,” he continued. The founder and chairman of the Christian Broadcasting Network shared that the “country was disintegrating, and to expect chaos and paralysis.”

“Your country will be torn apart by internal stress, a house divided cannot stand. Your president holds a radical view of the direction of your country which is at odds with the majority,”

Radical view of the direction of your country? Against the majority? Does that sound like God?

Pat has to stop praying next to his radio tuned into talk radio. That’s not God talking, that’s the drive time host.