My Mom’s Gonna’ Kill Me

Dear Anonymous January 10, 2012 3:59 PM,

No,you may not be handed a medal for your decision but I would like to say Thank you!
The choice you made was great.You choose life!You will never fully know how great this choice was on this side of heaven but you will know someday.
My husband was adopted and his heart is filled with love and gratitude for the women that gave him birth, every time he kisses his five sweet children goodnight.She is in his prayers often- wherever she may be.And he is constantly reminded of her great gift!
As for the world and the lies…Lord have Mercy.

My parents forced me to give up my child for adoption. They did not threaten to disown me. They told me it was the only option they would accept as a "responsible" choice on my part. I KNOW my daughter is better off having a father and a mother who live together in a good marriage. It doesn't help the hurt I have. This was 11 years ago. I still struggle with a question that my friend asked me: "When you feel hurt about giving up your daughter, are you putting her first or yourself first?" I want to say I am putting her first. Who could love her more than I could? But then I think– maybe the most loving thing I could do for her was to be unselfish. If I wasn't able to give her a father and a mother, and somebody else was, did I give her the best gift of all? But what about being told that I HAD to do it? I hope someday I will be able to forgive my parents. Because it does seem like right now, my daughter has a more complete family. And my friends who are adopted get offended when I talk about my daughter's new parents as if they couldn't be as good as I could be.

The picture illustrates the confusion females often have with hyperbole and reality.

I'm sure some women who offer their babies for adoption do suffer terribly. But the one I know personally is the biggest adoption advocate you'll ever want to meet (though she of course supports everyone keeping their babies too!), and I have read many testimonies where women found the adoption option to be positive. I am sure that being FORCED to give children up for adoption could be traumatic in the extreme, though. Anyway, I just have to say that I don't think having given your baby for adoption could POSSIBLY leave the same level of scars that abortion does, because those who give their babies up for adoption know that they at least gave life to the child. I say this regarding the claim in a comment above that those who give children for adoption are "just as broken" as those who have abortions. Abortion leaves incredible emotional trauma in women. But thanks be to God, Jesus can heal ANY wound. He forgives and heals, and His love never leaves or forsakes us.

This conversation is very intriguing to me…my son and his girlfriend are expecting a baby. Her mother (who works at a crisis pregnancy center) initially tried to coerce her into adoption, despite the fact that she and my son had been together for years and wanted to marry any way (which they are doing.)

Her parents have called her a slut, told her she is going to hell, and have said I'm "soft on sin" because I support them and love them, even while reminding them to seek forgiveness for their sin (which they have done.) The baby is NOT the sin; the baby is pure blessing.

I now feel that sometimes crisis pregnancy centers are nothing more than "adoption mills" providing babies for "good" people from these "poor sinners." That's the attitude I've seen from so many of my fellow Catholics, and it really troubles me.

I DON'T condone premarital sex, contraception, etc. But I also don't condone treating people who have fallen in this area as if they should be left on their own to deal with the consequences without love and support.

I've had conversations with my mom on the subject and the crux of it is that while she (and dad) wouldn't have been happy with the situation, they would do all they can to support both of us. It would've been worse if I kept it from them in the first place.