No,you may not be handed a medal for your decision but I would like to say Thank you!
The choice you made was great.You choose life!You will never fully know how great this choice was on this side of heaven but you will know someday.
My husband was adopted and his heart is filled with love and gratitude for the women that gave him birth, every time he kisses his five sweet children goodnight.She is in his prayers often- wherever she may be.And he is constantly reminded of her great gift!
As for the world and the lies…Lord have Mercy.
I know my own experience with Catholic Charities, and I am familiar with the experiences of other young women who've beem pressured and manipulated by supposedly pro-life "pregnancy centers".
Does that make all pro-lifers or crisis pregnancy centers bad? No. But the adoption industry is not without it's dark side, either.
The vehement denial that there is corruption in the adoption industry is probably the surest sign that there is. Not that I don't know that already.
My parents forced me to give up my child for adoption. They did not threaten to disown me. They told me it was the only option they would accept as a "responsible" choice on my part. I KNOW my daughter is better off having a father and a mother who live together in a good marriage. It doesn't help the hurt I have. This was 11 years ago. I still struggle with a question that my friend asked me: "When you feel hurt about giving up your daughter, are you putting her first or yourself first?" I want to say I am putting her first. Who could love her more than I could? But then I think– maybe the most loving thing I could do for her was to be unselfish. If I wasn't able to give her a father and a mother, and somebody else was, did I give her the best gift of all? But what about being told that I HAD to do it? I hope someday I will be able to forgive my parents. Because it does seem like right now, my daughter has a more complete family. And my friends who are adopted get offended when I talk about my daughter's new parents as if they couldn't be as good as I could be.
I'm sure some women who offer their babies for adoption do suffer terribly. But the one I know personally is the biggest adoption advocate you'll ever want to meet (though she of course supports everyone keeping their babies too!), and I have read many testimonies where women found the adoption option to be positive. I am sure that being FORCED to give children up for adoption could be traumatic in the extreme, though. Anyway, I just have to say that I don't think having given your baby for adoption could POSSIBLY leave the same level of scars that abortion does, because those who give their babies up for adoption know that they at least gave life to the child. I say this regarding the claim in a comment above that those who give children for adoption are "just as broken" as those who have abortions. Abortion leaves incredible emotional trauma in women. But thanks be to God, Jesus can heal ANY wound. He forgives and heals, and His love never leaves or forsakes us.
Just as there are women who suffer after abortion or adoption, there are many more CHILDREN who suffer from being raised by individuals who do not have the emotional or physical resources and support in order to parent a child successfully. Not all single parents fall in this category, of course. But many do — and hundreds of thousands of children are abused and neglected as a result. To guide a young woman to the realization that she is not prepared to parent a child is not the same as "forcing" her to relinquish. It is being a responsible parent.
Of course the choice is not an easy one, but parenting is full of difficult choices. For any woman who is debating whether she is prepared to parent, I'd recommend Patricia Dischler's "Because I Loved You." Be brave, and put your child's needs first. That's what good parents do.
This conversation is very intriguing to me…my son and his girlfriend are expecting a baby. Her mother (who works at a crisis pregnancy center) initially tried to coerce her into adoption, despite the fact that she and my son had been together for years and wanted to marry any way (which they are doing.)
Her parents have called her a slut, told her she is going to hell, and have said I'm "soft on sin" because I support them and love them, even while reminding them to seek forgiveness for their sin (which they have done.) The baby is NOT the sin; the baby is pure blessing.
I now feel that sometimes crisis pregnancy centers are nothing more than "adoption mills" providing babies for "good" people from these "poor sinners." That's the attitude I've seen from so many of my fellow Catholics, and it really troubles me.
I DON'T condone premarital sex, contraception, etc. But I also don't condone treating people who have fallen in this area as if they should be left on their own to deal with the consequences without love and support.
Intersting comments from anonymous about the hurt of adoption. A side I have never considered. But any parent that would shun their child for ANY reason must not be a true parent. We are to love them unconditionally PERIOD. I was blessed to be adopted by wonderful loving people, I have no idea of my biological mother and now these posts make me wonder how great of love and/or difficulty she must have had to make the choice she did, especially in times that were so much less accepting.
I've had conversations with my mom on the subject and the crux of it is that while she (and dad) wouldn't have been happy with the situation, they would do all they can to support both of us. It would've been worse if I kept it from them in the first place.
I too am adopted. My biological mother didn't tell her mother until the day I was born. She was 19, not married, "alleged" father 23 and in the Army (have no idea who, no way to find out) so what could she do. I am positive if abortion were legal in 1962 I wouldn't be here typing this now. Bio mom won't have anything to do with me. Have had most difficult time getting medical information.
January 10, 2012 at 11:10 pm
Dear Anonymous January 10, 2012 3:59 PM,
No,you may not be handed a medal for your decision but I would like to say Thank you!
The choice you made was great.You choose life!You will never fully know how great this choice was on this side of heaven but you will know someday.
My husband was adopted and his heart is filled with love and gratitude for the women that gave him birth, every time he kisses his five sweet children goodnight.She is in his prayers often- wherever she may be.And he is constantly reminded of her great gift!
As for the world and the lies…Lord have Mercy.
January 10, 2012 at 11:41 pm
I know my own experience with Catholic Charities, and I am familiar with the experiences of other young women who've beem pressured and manipulated by supposedly pro-life "pregnancy centers".
Does that make all pro-lifers or crisis pregnancy centers bad? No. But the adoption industry is not without it's dark side, either.
The vehement denial that there is corruption in the adoption industry is probably the surest sign that there is. Not that I don't know that already.
January 11, 2012 at 2:00 am
My parents forced me to give up my child for adoption. They did not threaten to disown me. They told me it was the only option they would accept as a "responsible" choice on my part. I KNOW my daughter is better off having a father and a mother who live together in a good marriage. It doesn't help the hurt I have. This was 11 years ago. I still struggle with a question that my friend asked me: "When you feel hurt about giving up your daughter, are you putting her first or yourself first?" I want to say I am putting her first. Who could love her more than I could? But then I think– maybe the most loving thing I could do for her was to be unselfish. If I wasn't able to give her a father and a mother, and somebody else was, did I give her the best gift of all? But what about being told that I HAD to do it? I hope someday I will be able to forgive my parents. Because it does seem like right now, my daughter has a more complete family. And my friends who are adopted get offended when I talk about my daughter's new parents as if they couldn't be as good as I could be.
January 11, 2012 at 2:23 am
The Bible says, "Children are a blessing from the Lord. The fruit of the womb is a reward."
The circumstances of the conception of the child do NOT diminish this blessing in the least.
Christian parents: Show you mean business! Should your unmarried daughter conceive (or your unmarried son beget) a child, support them!
January 11, 2012 at 11:29 am
The picture illustrates the confusion females often have with hyperbole and reality.
January 11, 2012 at 12:50 pm
That girl in the poster could use a cheeseburger or ten.
January 11, 2012 at 11:51 pm
I'm sure some women who offer their babies for adoption do suffer terribly. But the one I know personally is the biggest adoption advocate you'll ever want to meet (though she of course supports everyone keeping their babies too!), and I have read many testimonies where women found the adoption option to be positive. I am sure that being FORCED to give children up for adoption could be traumatic in the extreme, though. Anyway, I just have to say that I don't think having given your baby for adoption could POSSIBLY leave the same level of scars that abortion does, because those who give their babies up for adoption know that they at least gave life to the child. I say this regarding the claim in a comment above that those who give children for adoption are "just as broken" as those who have abortions. Abortion leaves incredible emotional trauma in women. But thanks be to God, Jesus can heal ANY wound. He forgives and heals, and His love never leaves or forsakes us.
January 13, 2012 at 2:57 pm
Just as there are women who suffer after abortion or adoption, there are many more CHILDREN who suffer from being raised by individuals who do not have the emotional or physical resources and support in order to parent a child successfully. Not all single parents fall in this category, of course. But many do — and hundreds of thousands of children are abused and neglected as a result. To guide a young woman to the realization that she is not prepared to parent a child is not the same as "forcing" her to relinquish. It is being a responsible parent.
Of course the choice is not an easy one, but parenting is full of difficult choices. For any woman who is debating whether she is prepared to parent, I'd recommend Patricia Dischler's "Because I Loved You." Be brave, and put your child's needs first. That's what good parents do.
January 13, 2012 at 3:00 pm
This conversation is very intriguing to me…my son and his girlfriend are expecting a baby. Her mother (who works at a crisis pregnancy center) initially tried to coerce her into adoption, despite the fact that she and my son had been together for years and wanted to marry any way (which they are doing.)
Her parents have called her a slut, told her she is going to hell, and have said I'm "soft on sin" because I support them and love them, even while reminding them to seek forgiveness for their sin (which they have done.) The baby is NOT the sin; the baby is pure blessing.
I now feel that sometimes crisis pregnancy centers are nothing more than "adoption mills" providing babies for "good" people from these "poor sinners." That's the attitude I've seen from so many of my fellow Catholics, and it really troubles me.
I DON'T condone premarital sex, contraception, etc. But I also don't condone treating people who have fallen in this area as if they should be left on their own to deal with the consequences without love and support.
January 13, 2012 at 9:52 pm
Intersting comments from anonymous about the hurt of adoption. A side I have never considered. But any parent that would shun their child for ANY reason must not be a true parent. We are to love them unconditionally PERIOD. I was blessed to be adopted by wonderful loving people, I have no idea of my biological mother and now these posts make me wonder how great of love and/or difficulty she must have had to make the choice she did, especially in times that were so much less accepting.
January 14, 2012 at 1:17 pm
I've had conversations with my mom on the subject and the crux of it is that while she (and dad) wouldn't have been happy with the situation, they would do all they can to support both of us. It would've been worse if I kept it from them in the first place.
January 14, 2012 at 1:19 pm
I too am adopted. My biological mother didn't tell her mother until the day I was born. She was 19, not married, "alleged" father 23 and in the Army (have no idea who, no way to find out) so what could she do. I am positive if abortion were legal in 1962 I wouldn't be here typing this now. Bio mom won't have anything to do with me. Have had most difficult time getting medical information.