A bill making its way through the California leislature with the support of the National Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce will have the state asking state contractors if they’re gay.
Seriously.
The followup question from any contractor will, of course, be, “Will I get more contracts if I am? And if so, what do I have to do to prove I’m gay?”
This is lunacy. I mean, what if you just had like a funny dream after watching “Fight Club” or something? Does that count?
Look, inevitably these numbers are going to be used to ensure that a certain number of contractors are going to have to be LGBTQIALMNOP so yeah, there’s going to be a gay quota. Guaranteed. So inevitably, you’re going to have some straight dude lie and say yeah, he goes that way in order to pull down some mad coin. And then, you’re going to have some kind of media investigation into the gayness level of the dude who’s gonna’ turn out to have four kids, a wife (a female one), and a dog (also female?). And then there will be hell to pay and the contractor dude will have to start wearing a tiara or something in case the media is around. And then, what comes next is the best part – we’re gonna’ have gay hearings. And they’ll be asking the dude questions like, “What’s the third line of the Barbra Stresiand song “Memories?” Or what’s Rufus Wainwright’s middle name?” Or when did Judy Garland record “Over the Rainbow?”
Hey, it’s happening. You heard it here first.
May 1, 2012 at 11:23 pm
I do loves me this site(sic). Seldom a boring day
I had my son's mens singing group spend the night last night while on tour. 9 men from a MI College. One of the singers is an out gay mormon. His dad is cool with it, the mom, not at all. A great kid.
Glad to see these kinds of articles and the steriotypes. Just fun to watch the gnashing of teeth.
May 1, 2012 at 11:45 pm
I'm proud to say that I don't know Rufus Wainwright's middle name. I don't even know who Rufus Wainwright is.
May 2, 2012 at 12:03 am
Guys, I was being tongue-in-cheek when I said we are going to see the revival of England's Test Acts modified to enforce acceptance of homosexuality. Stop proving my absurd musings right!
May 2, 2012 at 12:11 am
P.S. I'm sorry, but I gotta reiterate my call that you stop using homosexual stereotypes. Only the choir would find it funny (at that is dicey at best), and to any fence-sitters it makes your position look weak.
May 2, 2012 at 1:22 am
He's not using stereotypes to be degrading, he's using them to point out how ridiculous it would be to try to prove or disprove sexuality. What sort of evidence would be required?
May 2, 2012 at 12:19 am
check out this story about Muslims having marital relations with their dead wives.
http://rt.com/news/egypt-sex-dead-wife-054/
May 2, 2012 at 3:13 am
@LarryD,
I know who Rufus Wainwright is because I know who his father is…….but I have no clue what his middle name is.
May 2, 2012 at 3:46 am
He's not using stereotypes to be degrading, he's using them to point out how ridiculous it would be to try to prove or disprove sexuality. What sort of evidence would be required?
Even if we accept that as a good reason which is arguable, I'm more interested in trying to warn him as others have before that it makes him look bad. If we who are completely on his side find it off-key, imagine what it sounds like to someone only partly pursuaded.
May 2, 2012 at 4:45 am
The "providing proof" prong is always where I get a laugh.
There was something under discussion in a California school district a few years back wherein an effort would be made to include gay teachers.
In both cases, it's not just that sexuality is probably not relevant in government contracts, but also that… how in the world do you prove it if questioned on it?
But mostly, now that I think about it, that it's NOT relevant in government contracts at all.
May 2, 2012 at 4:52 am
I just don't understand the gleeful attitude ever time a gay issue comes up. I'm 100% Catholic in every way, but I have many gay friends who struggle with their situation. This finger-pointing attitude always seems so hurtful and so unChristian. I just don't get it. Why are you always so vile when it comes to gay issues? I agree with you all on so many things, but this is soooo bothersome to me. Can you explain this attitude?
May 2, 2012 at 4:54 am
I get your position, but can you be more Christian about it?
May 2, 2012 at 12:07 pm
Ben and Jerry's ice cream founders(it is now owned by a conglomerate)were gay and refused to hire straight people. My daughter was refused, so I know first hand.
May 2, 2012 at 12:12 pm
As an aside, two-thirds of Bill Gates' workforce are "rolling temps", no benefits, no health insurance. Humanitarian? and don't get me started about child abusing teachers with tenure.
May 2, 2012 at 12:21 pm
I have known people who are very nice, very friendly, until someone mentions the Church, at which point they must list every evil act, every ridiculous posture or position, every failing of tone and understanding ever committed by anyone calling them self a member of the Church. But because it is merely the Church, society at large and the people sitting listening to them in specific . . . say nothing. They don't point out it is only a stereotype to equate Church with child abuse, for example, or to oppose science with Church. They shrug. They have no use for Church anyway. What do they care?
It is tempting to turn it around, tit for tat.
However. The Church does have a deep and abiding love for sinners. That love should be evident, first in the clear statement of the Church's stance (disordered acts and all that) and second in the invitation to join all the other sinners in our journey to imitate Christ.
Frankly, what is the point of name-calling and making fun? What do you gain? The illogical "gay quota" article could have been reviewed (and laughed at) without those descents into the third grade.
Furthermore, there was a missed opportunity to link to articles about human rights violations where some men(Turkey and the Czech Republic come to mind) are actually forced to "prove" to the authorities that they are gay. Which is, actually, not funny at all.
May 2, 2012 at 3:15 pm
If there was only one straight person, they would be a MAJORITY OF ONE.(Every gay person dishonors his parents, and cancels his credibility)
May 2, 2012 at 6:47 pm
Christine, I wish you'd gotten your point across without the unfortunate slurs against third graders. What is to be gained by maligning the taste of these budding humorists who have delighted us with such beloved standards as "I am rubber, you are glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you?"
Madame, even a third grader knows enough to ridicule the ridiculous. If you'd like a refresher on what is ridiculous, you might attend your local LGBT parade for a crash course.
May 3, 2012 at 7:10 am
Actually,I believe reference is being made to an Australian movie, produced by gay activists, in which a strait man pretends to be gay. I found this hilarious, as always. Well done Matt!
And lighten up… seriously… get a sense of humour! NOW! Focus on the bill, which is strange at best!