CMR’s 8 Signs of Apocalypse (Vol VIII)

First there was the evil eye of Mordor just poking around space. We saw it. And it probably saw us seeing it. And now just a year later we see THIS!:There’s a hand in space now looking for something. Is nobody else seeing a connection here. It’s looking for something and this time I don’t think it’s Frodo and Samwise. I just hope it’s not me.

A massive cane toad dubbed Toadzilla was captured in Australia’s tropical north yesterday as scientists warned that the species is poised to conquer three-quarters of the continent’s coastline. That’s right. They said conquer.

The toad, weighing 1.9 pounds and the size of a small dog, was the biggest caught so far in the Northern Territory, according to environmental group FrogWatch, which is spearheading the campaign against the unwelcome invader.

And get this, the male cane toads are smaller than females, which means that an even more colossal female is probably lurking in the bush. “He is huge. I would hate to meet his big sister,” said FrogWatch co-ordinator Graeme Sawyer.

I know what you’re thinking. Matt. Matt. Why would toads hate us so much that we should be worried? Well, I don’t know…how about this story:

Australians are taking revenge on the much loathed cane toad by turning the pests into liquid fertiliser. The toads were introduced to Queensland from South America in the 1930s to prey on a beetle that was devastating sugar cane plantations.

The experiment was a disaster as they proved useless against the insects and instead multiplied in their millions, hopping across Queensland and, in recent years, into the Northern Territory…

A conservation group, FrogWatch, is encouraging the public to recycle the hundreds of thousands of toads culled every year, turning them into fertiliser, or “toad juice”.

So let’s get this straight. The Aussies had a beetle problem. So they brought the toads over there to wipe out a beetle but the frogs didn’t care about the beetle so now they had a beetle and frog problem. So what do they do with the frogs they brought over? They turn them into “toad juice” liquid fertilizer.

You know what? I’m rooting for the frogs on this one.

There’s Mother…. Snakes on the Mother…. Plane!

A bunch of baby pythons escaped during a flight in Australia. But it gets worse. Here’s the news report:

Four baby pythons escaped from a container aboard a passenger plane in Australia, leading to a search that forced the cancellation of two flights, the airline said Thursday. Twelve non-venomous Stimson pythons were being transported Tuesday on a flight from Alice Springs to Melbourne in the plane’s cargo area in a bag inside a plastic foam box with air holes.

When the flight landed, it was discovered that four snakes had escaped from the package, a Qantas spokeswoman said in a statement. A reptile expert searched for the 6-inch (15-centimeter) -long snakes but did not find them. It was not known if the snakes were still on the plane or if they had somehow escaped outside after the plane landed.

Are you reading that last part? The snakes weren’t found. So if you’re flying to Australia anytime soon, get ready for a fight Samuel L. style.

Hey, I wonder if those snakes eat giant frogs?

Allnewsweb reports that a much anticipated search for the legendary Abominable Snowmen in Russia has failed to find anything.

Uh-oh. If the Yeti isn’t found in the mountains of Russia where the heck is it? This piece of news is going to have me looking over my shoulder when I take out the garbage at night.

As soon as we find them I want these thing wearing ankle bracelets like Lindsey Lohan so I know where they are at all times.

But we have to find them first. Hey, I know. Maybe the Aussies brought a bunch of the Yetis from Russia to Australia to deal with the frogs. That’ll turn out well.

Walgreens has pulled a Barack Obama version of the Chia Pet from its stores, and the decision leaves about 200,000 of the pottery plant kits in a West Side Chicago warehouse.

Now, just imagine walking through that dark warehouse, maybe the same warehouse with the ark of the covenant and the alien bodies from Roswell, now with 200,000 Chia Obama heads just sitting there looking at you.

Bad Omen.

AllNewsWeb:

Scientists have unearthed the remains of grandiose cannibal feasts that took place around seven thousand years ago in Germany. This grisly find was dug up near the historical city of Speyer in Rhineland Palatinate.

A small ancient settlement of twelve homes was recently discovered in the area, however in addition to the remains of houses and evidence agricultural activity a macabre grave was found containing the skeletons of over a thousand human beings. No other mass grave of this size has ever discovered that dates back to prehistoric times.

Mr Bruno Boulestin of the University of Bordeaux who took part in the dig and examined the bones noted that skeletal remains had markings that indicated that flesh been scraped, ligaments pulled and bones crushed: all indicating cannibalism. Vertebra had also been hacked to remove ribs in the manner of modern butchers…
When not eating people the ancient cannibals of Speyer raised pigs, sheep and cattle and grew crops like wheat and barley. The villagers also produced pottery. The human remains were found in long ditches that surrounded the twelve dwellings.

OK. Here’s my question. Why would you unearth that? You find something like that, Nazi Cannibals for crying out loud, you cover it back up and pretend you didn’t see it.

Remember how last year all we hear about was that all the bees had gone missing and that our doom was imminent? Well now we know where they were, hiding in sleeper cells.

According to CNN: Thousands of bees (probably killerbees) invaded the White House lawn last week.

Of course we assumed that when a swarm of Killer bees shows up in the first 100 days of O’s Presidency, this meant more bad news. But Obama explained in a televised address to the bees that sometimes the previous administration had been heavy handed in its approach to the Killer Bees, but that was all going to change now and that he knew that the bees were not really killers after all. Moderate bees, the President said. had contributed much to the world and he emphasized that “We are not at war with the bees!”

The Killer bees thanked the president for his kind words and promptly stung all the children in the Rose Garden ceremony.

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Posted by Patrick & Matthew Archbold