Environmentalists and sharks are killing us. But mostly environmentalists.

We can’t win. Either we die from polluted water or we get eaten by the man eating merchants of death we call sharks, according to Reuters:

Environmental protection of Sydney’s beaches and harbor has created a cleaner marine environment, but is attracting sharks closer to shore chasing fish, say marine experts, after two shark attacks in two days.

Fishermen say shark numbers are on the rise, but marine scientists say while there have been more sightings it is unclear whether there are more sharks off Sydney.

A shark almost severed a surfer’s arm in an attack just before dark at Sydney’s famous Bondi Beach Thursday. The first attack at Bondi since 1929.

A navy diver was attacked in Sydney Harbor near the Opera House Wednesday, losing his hand and he may lose his leg.

New South Wales state Primary Industries Minister Ian MacDonald said Friday he would order a survey of shark numbers off Sydney, after the attacks and as a result of more sightings.

“I think you’ll find that the protective measures that have been put in place by governments in recent years have halted the decline of many species of sharks,” MacDonald said on Friday.

“Coupled with some improved environment conditions, plus a reduction in fishing efforts in parts of the state, would mean shark numbers could enhance,” MacDonald told local radio.

O.K. So essentially we’re being given a choice. If we clean up the water then we’ll get eaten by sharks. Is it just me or is anyone else thinking that pollution doesn’t seem so bad all of a sudden. Me? I’ll take the debilitating effects of a corrosive slow-motion pollution poisoning over the nastiness of a shark attack. I mean, no virus is going to attack me and pull my leg off while staring at me with disinterested lifeless eyes. No. No. I’ll take pollution. Every. Single. Day.