Welcome to the Chicago Public Schools (CPS) logic factory, a place where the lights are flickering, the roof is leaking, and the administrators are busy turning help away all because they don’t want those weird Christians messing things up.

Chicago’s educational system is currently a burning dumpster fire floating down a river of children’s tears and broken promises. Test scores are cratering and teacher vacancies are being filled by “hope” and “vague gestures.”

But don’t worry, CPS leadership has identified the real threat to your child’s future and it’s Student teachers from Moody Bible Institute.

Imagine you’re a guy trapped in a cage with a hungry bear. A professional bear-wrestler shows up and says, “Hey, I’ll help you for free.” Instead of saying “Thank God,” CPS is saying, “Whoa, hold on. Before you save my internal organs from being consumed by an angry carnivore, can you please elaborate on your college’s opinion on the Book of Leviticus?”

Yes. That’s the kind of logic coming out of Chicago.

In short, CPS is refusing to train student teachers from Moody Bible Institute. Why?

Because they’re not moral enough? Nah. One of the last principals they hired is heading to jail for bribery and fraud.

Not smart enough? Nope. Moody is a fully accredited institution.

It turns out that CPS doesn’t like them because they’re Christian. Not kinda’ sorta’ Christian but actually Christian.

So they’d rather schools continue failing the children so they can turn their noses up at the Christians who actually believe Christiany things.

Now, because of their strong support of religious discrimination and all around asshattery, CPS is currently locked in a legal deathmatch with the Alliance Defending Freedom because the school district is demanding Moody sign a “non-discrimination” pledge.

Wait. Are you getting this? They’re discriminating against Moody because…they discriminate? But theirs is good discrimination, you see. It’s anti-Christian so it’s good, right? In practice, CPS is telling a religious college it’s not allowed to be a religious college anymore.

The CPS Playbook seems to be:

Step 1: Fail to teach kids basic math.

Step 2: Cry about having no teachers.

Step 3: Reject qualified, local teachers because they go to a school that -get this- expects its staff to believe in the Bible.

Step 4: Spend taxpayer money on high-priced lawyers to ensure those classrooms stay empty.

How could they lose?

CPS is basically a sinking ship where the captain is refusing to let the Coast Guard on board because their uniforms are too “judgy.” Meanwhile, the kids are the ones getting the short end of the stick.

It takes a special kind of administrative genius to look at a massive teacher shortage and say, “You know what would fix this? Less teachers. Specifically, the ones who are motivated by a higher power to actually show up and help people. Screw those guys.”

So all you parents who worry about children. Ah. CPS isn’t worried about you or your kids. They’re too busy proving they value ideological purity over, you know, literacy.

It’s a bold move, Chicago. Let’s see if “Spiteful Bureaucracy” helps the kids pass their SATs.