Cardinal: No Communion in the Hand!
—Archbishop in Peru bans communion in the hand.

Anti-Social Man Hopes Company Arrives Soon
—In an act of anti-social desperation, Matthew interviews himself.

Oh No! Yoko
—Yoko Ono sues the producers of Ben Stein’s documentary Expelled.

I Like What Obama Says about America
—In small town America, people don’t like Obama for all the right reasons.

Pelosi’s Fake Bible Joins Fake Catholicism
—Nancy Pelosi takes cafeteria catholicism to a whole new level. Don’t try this at home.

Obama Supports Gay Marriage
—Obama calls for repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act.

Priest’s Sock Puppet Hears Confessions
Humor I think Matthew might be back on the sauce.

Court: Football Coach Can’t Take a Knee
—A federal appeals court prohibited a New Jersey high school football coach from taking a knee and participating in team prayer.

Secularism Makes You Stupid
—What is the greatest scourge on humanity today? Secular stupidity if you ask me.

Scandalous Jesus Bio Set for Release
—Director of “Basic Instinct” will make scandalous claims about Jesus and Mary in an upcoming biography about Jesus.