President Obama has created a new oxymoron by promising to negotiate with “moderate Taliban.”

So as CMR wants to follow our fearful leader in all good things we are reporting this story using as many oxymorons as we can stuff in while still making some level of sense. See how many you can count:

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CMR has a confirmed rumor that President Barack Obama is undertaking an unofficial policy of negotiating with Moderate Taliban and the more humane killers in Afghanistan.

This tactic, Obama said, is the most daring political maneuver in modern history but can only work with random precision by reversing backwards from the Bush years which the White House says were consistently inconsistent.

Obama is displeased that his negotiation decree became a well known secret but some believe the leak may have been a deliberate mistake.

Sources close to Obama said when they first came to the White House just moments after Bush’s Farewell Reception there was a massive hole of deeply shallow tactics but no overriding strategy from the Bush Administration. Sources said that Bush attempted tough love in Afghanistan but that hadn’t worked out terribly good.

Obama believes his strategy could prevent civil war in the country but even some Democrats are asking to be included out on this one and expressing doubt in this new strategy causing the White House to now have to worry about friendly fire from their side of the aisle.

The White House’s preliminary conclusions are that a less humane war would be the least favorite alternative. And many experts in the media have the objective opinion that Obama is correct.

Obama hopes that the olive branch could induce some Al Qaeda to climb down out of their cave to the negotiating table. But some have reported that Taliban forces have promised to deliver “holy hell” to America while promising to use anti-missile missiles should America attempt an air strike. “You won’t know when we’re coming. We’ll appear invisible and then we’ll be upon you,” said one Al Qaeda Assistant Supervisor.

When asked about the policy, Vice President Joe Biden said that he warned us to expect the unexpected with Obama but promised that America’s peacekeeping force would be the finest in modern history.

Obama, in a live recorded press conference, said that from here on out America would be fighting a more humane war as America is once again a member of the global village.