This has to be one of the most unintentionally funny pieces ever written by a news organization. If you want to know why the mainstream media is dying, check this out.

CBS News certainly believes they have the goods on conservative Christine O’Donnell. I’m sure to them the news that Christine O’Donnell is pro-life and believes masturbation is a sin will paint her as an outlier and a crazed extremist.

And who does CBS have as their voice of reason to counter the crazed Puritan O’DOnnell in the piece, former Surgeon General Jocelyn Elders who was so wacky in saying that children should be taught to masturbate that even Bill Clinton had to fire her.

Come on, it’s pretty difficult to get fired by Bill Clinton for talking dirty, isn’t it?

The craziest part is that CBS thinks that someone saying masturbation and lust are sins is worthy of a news story. (Note: Don’t shake hands with CBS news employees)

Here’s one of the crazier excerpts from this wacko story:

Tea Party-backed candidate Christine O’Donnell, who pulled off a stunning win for Delaware’s Republican Senate nomination on Tuesday, has come under fire from the left for her views on masturbation, abortion, and abstinence.

O’Donnell first offered her views on masturbation in an MTV documentary called “Sex In The 90’s” when she said “the Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery” and that “You can’t masturbate without lust.”

Therefore, she concluded, masturbation is wrong.

O’Donnell believes in a fundamentalist version of sexual “purity” that emphasizes thoughts and feelings as well as deeds. It’s a view that resonates with many Americans.

What the heck do they mean by a “fundamentalist” version of sexual purity? “Fundamentalist” to some in the media means that the person adheres to some rules in their religion but that’s not what the word means. In shorthand, it’s come to mean a religious view the media doesn’t approve of.

And why do they put the word “purity” in quotes in their story? I honestly have no idea why they put that word in quotes unless they mean the same thing I do when I write CBS “News” in quotes.

If CBS “News” thinks O’Donnell’s “fundamentalist” position on “purity” is some crazy position, I wonder what they’d say to Jimmy Carter who said:

” I try not to commit a deliberate sin. I recognize that I’m going to do it anyhow, because I’m human and I’m tempted. And Christ set some almost impossible standards for us. Christ said, ‘I tell you that anyone who looks on a woman with lust has in his heart already committed adultery.’

“I’ve looked on a lot of women with lust. I’ve committed adultery in my heart many times. This is something that God recognizes I will do–and I have done it–and God forgives me for it.”

Is Jimmy Carter some “fundamentalist” obsessed with “purity,” according to CBS “News?” No. They love their Jimmah.

The story continues: O’Donnell feels that there should be an absolute ban on abortion.

Elders: Rape is a despicable crime. Just as despicable is the idea that women who get pregnant should not have absolute control over their own bodies.

I’m sorry, did I miss the part where O’Donnell talked about rape. I’m offering an award to anyone who can have a conversation with a liberal about abortion and not have the word “rape” come up within thirty seconds. Bet you can’t. It’s a reflex. Christine O’Donnell said, the “Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery. You can’t masturbate without lust.”

Elders: I think she would have a hard time finding support for her views in the Bible. I am a Methodist, a Christian. As a physician, we are sexual beings from birth until death, and the silence [around sexuality], the judging of others, is just wrong.

Elders obviously isn’t as familiar wtih the Bible as say…Jimmy Carter. But all liberals know and cherish the part of the Bible that says you shouldn’t judge others. That’s their favorite part of the Bible. You can’t have a conversation about religion with a liberal about religion without it coming up.

But regardless of that, here’s the real difference. Christine O’Donnell is talking about purity and sin. Oh wait, I meant “purity” and sin. But nowhere is O’Donnell discussing implementing her view on lust and masturbation into law or even government practice.

On the other hand, Jocelyn Elders wanted public schools to teach masturbation to children. (You know, it seems all those CBS “News” employees figured out about masturbation without being taught by the Surgeon General.)

But that’s the way it goes with the ordinary ministers of the media, conservatives are scorned for having personal standards while liberals are heralded for having no standards and forcing their views on others.

Makes sense, right?

Update (3:31): Dan Riehl reports that the leftist media aren’t the only ones going after O’Donnell. Check out NRO’s Dan Foster’s classless slap at O’Donnell here.