Brían Nguyen became the first transgender to win a title under the Miss America Organization. He was named Miss Greater Derry 2023, landing him a crown and scholarship, as announced this past Sunday. The Miss Greater Derry Scholarship Program provides scholarships to “young women” between the ages of 17 and 24.
“I am ecstatic to be the FIRST transgender woman to be a Miss America local titleholder,” Nguyen writes on Instagram, whole eating a Devil Dog and sipping a Fruit flavored Slurpee.
OK. I made up the Devil Dog and Slurpee business but the rest is true.
Behold:
Dude should be playing football, not competing in beauty pageants. Do you know how pissed these other contestants actually are?
I know it’s easy to make fun of beauty pageants. My wife was involved in auditing one years ago so we went. These girls were pretty impressive. They could sing, dance, and recite poetry but there was nothing as close to how crazy awesome the baton girls were. What they do is a actually pretty awesome.
The turning, and the flipping, and the catching is actually pretty cool. Because the second that baton leaves her hand you know all her hopes and dreams of winning a scholarship and a title are up in the air and if she missed it, years and years of work and practice go up in flames. She instantly becomes a punchline.
And to make matters worse, now she starts spinning. Yes, the baton is in the air, still going up mind you and now she begins spinning around.
Your breath catches. It’s a moment of high import. She reaches out her hand on her third twirl and snatches the damn thing out of the air and immediately begins twirling it through her fingers.
We all can’t help it. We applaud. Some stand. It’s high stakes and you can’t help but applaud.
Anyway, now the girl who caught the baton because the real talent is cutting one’s penis off. That’s what’s considered talent in the 21st century. And brave. Soooo brave.
This should be a fun ride, folks. A fun and wacky ride.
Me? I’ll take the baton over a chopped off penis anyway.
