Netflix, the streaming service that brought you Cuties, is about to produce for your viewing pleasure “The Chronicles of Narnia.”

If I’m betting, this will make Amazon’s Rings of Power seem like a faithful adaptation of Tolkien’s work.

If I had to guess Edmund will be gay and Susan will have…how shall we say…several intimacies.

And hey, maybe Mr. Tumnus will be part of a throuple.

I don’t trust these people at all. I’m willing to change my mind but going in, I have zero hope. Zero.