Where did the whole “saving movies” thing start. Before I got married I never would’ve dreamed about having someone save a movie for me. And I wouldn’t have listened to anyone who asked me to save a movie for them.
But my wife feels quite comfortable asking me not to go see this movie or that movie alone. Essentially she’s declaring a certain movie off limits. I’m just wondering where did this authority come from. Because here’s the real nut of the problem: WE NEVER GET TO THE MOVIES. I mean never never never. But she still feels very comfortable declaring any movie of any quality off limits.
So if I sneak out of the house at 10 p.m. on a random Saturday night after all the kids are asleep I have a list of movies I can’t go see. But anything with any romance in it, she’s called as a couple movie. Any big action epic she says she’d love to go see it with me because she knows I enjoy them. So here’s the issue: the fact that I enjoy them makes me unable to go see it. So I end up seeing a lot of post-apocalyptic armed vampire movies. Anything with zombies I’ve seen it. It’s the only genre that my wife has no interest in seeing.
She asked about Cloverfield and I was so frightened that she would call a save that I explained it succinctly as “A monster Eats New York.” She looked at me for a moment questioning me. Then she asked, “Is there any romance in it?” My hopes for taking in a late Friday Cloverfield movie were vanishing quickly. So I went with the only tool I have in my belt at such times. I mocked. That’s all I’ve got. I’m very limited. So I said, “I don’t think the monster falls in love with a skyscraper.”
And she then gave me a withering stare. But I’m used to it. I only pretend to wither when I see it now.
But here’s the thing. I liked Cloverfield. It was the best monster movie I’ve seen in a long time. But I no longer have a frame of reference outside of monsters, zombies and vampires. I miss my high-falutin movies. I haven’t seen an Oscar contender in eight years. I’m addicted to Ghost Hunters on the Sci-Fi network. My wife has damaged my artistic taste. Shame on her.
January 22, 2008 at 5:29 am
Monsters, zombies, and vampires? Personally, I don’t see the problem here. Still, let’s see if we can come up with some descriptions that might help you get out of the door and into the theater.
No Country For Old Men – “Oh, it’s that new movie by those guys who made Barton Fink.”
There Will Be Blood – “It’s about some hick who gets rich by striking oil. It’s probably just like the Beverly Hillbillies.”
Atonement – “Romance? It’s about a 13 year old. I bet it’s Superbad for girls.”
Michael Clayton – Can’t help you here, Clooney is still chick-bait.
Diving Bell and the Butterfly – “I’m not sure, I think it might be the latest Mothra movie.”
That should get you started.
January 22, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Ha! Thanks for the laugh!
I’ll pray for your marriage.
January 22, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Buy some movie passes, hire a babysitter and take her on a date!
Or get an enormous TV and Netflix. (Our strategy is Netflix and a tiny TV, but it’s good to dream big.)
January 22, 2008 at 3:00 pm
My son and I saw Cloverfield. It was pretty awesome. And a “low-budget” film at that, and it wasn’t even cheezy-looking. If anyone misses it, wait a few years, and yet another movie will come out about obliterating Manhattan.
January 22, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Why not just wait until it comes out on DVD, then watch it together in the comfort of your home?
My wife and I haven’t seen a movie together since “In America.” And we haven’t taken the kids to see a movie since “March of the Penguins.” I think parents lose their movie rights somewhere along the way.
January 22, 2008 at 4:28 pm
“In America” is one of my favorite films ever. I’ve watched our DVD of that about 15 times. My wife, however, says “it’s sad” and then proceeds to put in Pride and Prejudice. Which I like a lot mind you but we’re now on our 40th viewing.
January 23, 2008 at 4:48 pm
“Which I like a lot mind you but we’re now on our 40th viewing.”
Yikes!
Now I understand why my dad put in long hours at the office…