On the heels of a call for an end to the celibacy requirement by Voice of the Faithful, a new activist group (one that I just made up) called Hookers for Occupational Educators (HOE) released a statement today .

According to a report commissioned by the U.S. Department of Education, in compliance with the 2002 “No Child Left Behind,” between 6 percent and 10 percent of public school children across the country have been sexually abused or harassed by school employees and teachers. Charol Shakeshaft, the Hofstra University scholar who prepared the report, said “the physical sexual abuse of students in schools is likely more than 100 times the abuse by priests.”

Such figures lead HOE to contend that just as it is obvious that abusive priests commit abuse to children due to the celibacy requirement it is equally evident that educators simply aren’t…well…you know…getting enough…. So clearly they need more. So HOE believes the federal government should supply educators with prostitutes in the teacher’s staff room.

“It’s a natural urge,” said Mary McLooney, head of HOE. “Why should we deny that our sexual urges are the primary forces in our lives and everything else in our lives will be corrupted unless this one urge is fed…a lot?”

Charles McFool of the Department of Primary Educators (DOPE) said he didn’t disagree with McLooney’s sentiments but simply said it was a state issue which should be funded by local school districts.

McLooney, however, argued that wasn’t good enough because that would simply mean, “The rich school districts will get all the good looking hookers and the poor school districts will be stuck with frumpy housewives trying to make extra money. That will leave our teachers in the poor school districts frustrated and our kids will be in danger.”