Obama to Purchase Offsets

Dan over at the www.DailyDanet.com absolutely cracked me up with this piece.
Obama to Purchase Offsets. In the wake of several foreign policy and other missteps, Senator and Democratic presidential hopeful Barrack Obama announced today that he intends to purchase intelligence credits. “While it may be true that some of Senator Obama’s recent policy initiatives have received widespread, and well deserved, criticism,” noted the Obama for President press release, “Senator Obama has pledged to purchase intelligence credits to offset any inadequacies in these policies.”

Similar to Al Gore’s carbon credits, which assuage the guilt of having 12 times the energy use of the normal household, the purchase of intelligence offsets would make amends for the purchaser’s lack of intelligence. The money is transferred to persons with above average IQ’s, who are paid not to speak. “The aggregate decrease in intelligent ideas has the added benefit of making our clients appear smarter,” notes Yuri Leigh-Neidthem, who sells the credits for the global consulting firm of Yura, Nidiot & Howe. “We had thought of calling them ‘dumbass credits,’ to make the analogy more clear-but that didn’t go over well in the focus group.” (YN&H also offer the death-neutral offsets used by al Qaeda to minimize their death footprint.)

Sources close to the consulting firm say they have approached Senator Joe Biden, but unfortunately, his campaign was unable to finance enough credits to offset his policy agenda. The source added that “[we] are also in talks with Mrs. Clinton for ‘personality credits’ and John Edwards for ‘ethics credits.’”