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I’m trying to think of things to do rather than watch the DNC convention. I thought you might be too so I’m putting together a list of things to do during the DNC convention.

1) Watch reruns of Breaking Bad. It’s a story about a man with a nice family who destroys everything around him for an ego trip.

2) Read “The Son Also Rises.” It’s a story about a man who wants to change everything but is just impotent.

3) Watch “There Will be Blood.” Because this election is going to get ugly.

4) Go take the dog for a walk and shovel its dung. Do this in solidarity with the Democrats who will be forced to do this for three consecutive nights.

5) Watch “Dead Man Walking” because I think that sums up Obama’s re-election chances pretty well.

6) Watch “Dazed and Confused” instead of Biden’s speech.

7) Watch “Hellraiser” because if Obama wins, that’s what’ll be happening here.

8) Tell the people in your life how awesome you actually are and that if they don’t agree how awesome you are then tell them they’re just not paying attention. And then explain it to them.

9) Watch “It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World.” ‘Cause it is.

10) Pray. Pray a lot. This country needs that more than anything right now.